Kermit Carpenter—master of the key lime pie—reveals what he did for 25 years on a corner, and who taught him to make his famous pies
Where did you grow up? In West Virginia until the eighth grade. Then, in Maryland. How long have you lived in South Florida? For 30 years. Why did you move here? For the warm weather. What part of South Florida do you live in? Key West. What do you like most about living here? The weather—the sun always shines—and the friendly people. What Key West venue do you miss that’s gone? Fast Buck Freddie. Where do you hang out in Key West? Any great Key West restaurant, such as Flaming Buoy, Onlywood or Azur. What’s your claim-to-fame? Twenty-five years working on the corner.
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Who are you named after? Teddy Roosevelt had a son named Kermit. He was in the news—he passed away the year I was born. My mom had run out of family names by the time I came along. So, I was named, “Kermit.” How did you learn to make key lime pie? My grandmother taught me how to make it. What are your favorite products at Kermit’s? Mango Strawberry Jelly, Corn Relish, Green Tomato Relish, and Sesame Seed Dressing. All of them have a taste of key lime. I start my day with jelly on toast, I have the salad dressing on my lunch, and I have chips with relish at night for a snack. Will you ever retire? No. And the employees will end up with the store, so that they can continue the tradition.
How would you like to be remembered? As someone who enjoyed life. What’s the weirdest question that a fan has asked? “Can I move in with you?” What celebrity did you act like a “fan” around? Robin Roberts. What politician don’t you like? All of them. If you saw one of them drowning, would you save him or her? That’s a hard one. What’s your favorite drink? Red wine. What’s your most treasured possession? My mom’s violin (which I can’t play). Do you believe in ghosts? Maybe more in spirits or angels. Either living or dead, who would you love to have lunch with? Vicky “Tory” Pribble, my angel. What’s the last thing that you looked at online? A hand-sink for my new store in Key West. What’s the best place that you’ve visited, and why? Rome, because of the food, and it’s a great place to walk.
What’s something that you learned in life only when you got older? Patience. What did you learn from your parents? Respect. What performer do you admire, and why? Bruno Mars, because he’s an unbelievable talent. How do you enjoy spending your time? I enjoy working 24/7, because I love what I’m doing. What celebrity do you have a crush on? Robin Roberts. Who do you admire, and why? I admire people who have strong personalities and know where they’re going. If you could bring one person back from the dead, who would it be? No way. Where would you go in a time machine, and why? I’d go back to my youth, and I’d smack myself for not listening to good advice. What would your last meal be? Pizza.
What do you worry about? Hurricanes. If you were a musical instrument, what would you be? A piano. I love to sit in a restaurant with live music. Are you more like a sheep or a wolf? A sheep. Who depends on you, and for what? My dog, and best friend, “Pirate.” Who are you closest with? My dog. What would your autobiography be called? Pie Master. What music do you listen to when you’re upset? None. What’s on your bucket list? My first cruise on October 18th—out of Rome—to visit four Greek islands… Plus more! What’s your greatest regret in life? Not getting focused soon enough. What’s something that you never told anyone else? That I love myself. Where can we see you? On the Koningsdam, on October 18. I’ll make you a pie.
OMG, Becky, it was, like, so cute! And the guys were adorable! Especially the super gay one, Zanna—who’s like a genie or a gay Dolly Levi or something—who has a magic wand that makes everyone fall in love. And he’s so great in every scene. Such a princess! All of this fabulousness takes place in a high school where you have to be gay or they throw you out. And so the captain of the football team falls in love with this guy who always wins at chess.
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I know it would never happen, but it does, and they’re so perfect together. They even sing a love song to each other. I just wanted to hug both of them, but I stayed in my seat. Zanna, Don’t! is a bit like Grease, with all these catchy songs. Really, it’s the gay cousin of Grease—only better, because it’s so cute. Everybody’s in love in it, until the football captain kisses the girlfriend of a waitress.
The two end up falling in love with each other, and it’s a mess, because the high school says that you have to be gay—but they’re straight for each other! So Zanna, the super gay genie, tries to make it all work out, but the football captain breaks Zanna’s magic wand at the prom, and then everyone who was gay becomes straight. I know, it sounds rather convoluted, but it all made sense with the music. There was even a standing ovation at the end when the entire cast sang the last song.
In the end, I don’t know what Zanna wasn’t supposed to do, but I guess he did it anyway. The show is in super-gay Wilton Manors, and if you want to see it, you should probably get tickets ahead of time, because it’s in a tiny theater. I was practically sitting on the stage. And the best part? The cast was in the lobby when you left the theater—thanking everyone for coming—and I got to talk to Zanna! How cool is that?!