Long-time Miami drag performer, Shelley Novak, honored the LGBT community in South Florida with the 25th Annual Shelley Novak Awards last Thursday at Kill Your Idol. The awards—a spoof of the Academy Awards—featured categories such as the best drag name (“Queef Latina”), the most glamorous (Miss Toto), and the best drag king, as well as several other categories. The South-Florida LGBT organization, The House of Lords, featured prominently at the event, winning the Lifetime Achievement Award. The event was also not without emotion, where the “father” of the House of Lords, Alexis Lords, dramatically relinquished his leadership of 25 years to Roger Lords. The complete list of winners is below.
THE 25TH ANNUAL SHELLEY NOVAK AWARDS – WINNERS
BEST DRAG NAME: Queef Latina
BEST COSTUMES: Andro Gin
BEST CLUB KID: Kunst
MOST GLAMOROUS: Miss Toto
BEST LATIN PERFORMER: Juleisy Y Karla
BEST MAKE UP: Persephone Von Lips
BEST NEW ARTIST: Candi Dixxx and Celia Booze (in a tie)
BEST FORT LAUDERDALE QUEEN: Amanda Austin
BEST DRAG VENUE: Flaming Classics
BEST PERFORMANCE/NIGHT: Elishay De Wishes “climbs a double decker bus”
BEST WIGS: Queef Latina
BEST DRAG KING: Andro Gin, Ded Cooter and King Femme (in a three-way tie)
John Waters debuted his new show, A Filthy World, in Fort Lauderdale last Saturday, to an almost sold-out crowd
SHADE-O-METER RATING
OUTTA 5 WERKS: “10s ACROSS THE BOARD – LEGENDARY STATUS”
Who’s John Waters? I think we all know who he is. If you’re the one-in-a-million who doesn’t, look him up. What’s Sunshine Cathedral? It’s a predominately LGBT church/performing arts venue (yes, just like the original Ryman Auditorium, sans the LGBT part). How was the venue? For the most part, it looked like a modern church. But there weren’t any wood pews (thank God). The seats were comfortable. The main décor on the stage were spotlight urns, which has sticks fanning out of them (very Blair Witch). How was the parking? Parking was available in various grass-lots, which only required a short walk to the venue. Does the venue serve liquor? I saw a few people with beer bottles in their hands, so there must be some type of cabaret license—probably for beer and wine only. How were the drinks? We didn’t get any. Does the venue serve food? Nope. How much were the tickets? $30. Where were the seats? Towards the back, but there really was no bad seat in the venue. According to the website, it holds 450 people. Was the show sold out? Just about. Who was the opening act? Unless you count the one drag queen who sauntered up and down the aisle a few times as an “opening act,” there wasn’t any.
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How was the show? To begin, Waters wasn’t quite the most natural or humanistic performer. And for all intents and purposes, the show really was a scripted comedy show—it wasn’t simply him discussing his career. Considering this, Waters wasn’t as proficient in this arena as, for example, Chris Rock or Gilbert Gottfried. The show was loosely framed around several themes: Trump/politics (with Trump characterized as a “shithole in the White House” and an “orange anus”), a satirical look at what a “President Waters” administration would be like, the contradiction between being irreverent versus owning three houses, Hollywood directors and Hollywood itself, his film career (which took up half the show; Female Trouble probably got the loudest applause), and, finally, his desires for the future (i.e., open a store, have a fashion line, continue writing and touring). As contained in Water’s films, he seemed to find the greatest glee in the off-beat and the absurdities of life.
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When John Waters delivered his gleefully subversive advice to the graduates of the Rhode Island School of Design, the speech went viral, in part because it was so brilliantly on point about making a living as a creative person. Now we can all enjoy his sly wisdom in a manifesto that reminds us, no matter what field we choose, to embrace chaos, be nosy, and outrage our critics.
Some of the better lines in the show were: “Old chickens make good soup. Hunting isn’t a sport if the animals aren’t trained to shoot back. I was at a party, and they handed poppers to a young person, and they drank them. I feel bad for drag queens today; who would want to be Melania Trump? Wouldn’t Hairpie be a great title for a porn spoof of Hairspray? We’re [me and my actors] all going to be buried in plots near Divine; it’ll be called Disgraceland. The only way that kids can rebel today is to tell their parents that they don’t want a phone. We have too many gays already; new ones should have to ‘audition’ on a reality show. Can you imagine a scatological porn version of Schindler’s List called Shitler’s List? Everything is so PC today; you can’t even call someone a ‘cocksucker’ anymore.” Waters closed the formal part of the show with a kind of poetic discourse about how his dreams came true because of “you, the audience,” but he urged them to stay on the “other side of dreamland,” like in Fort Lauderdale, which always had—among other things—the best hustlers.
How was the crowd? They laughed, but there wasn’t any on-the-floor guffawing going on or any displays of uncontrollable stitches. What could have improved the show? The venue needs to teach some of the ushers some manners. The producer made a pre-show announcement that no video recording was allowed. I tried to take a picture when Waters came on the stage, but I barely had the phone up before an usher slammed his hand down on my shoulder, informing that no video was allowed. When I clarified that I wasn’t taking video, he said that “no pictures were allowed, either.” That’s all fine and dandy, but you need to tell the audience that first. Very rude behavior, if you ask me.
What was surprising about the show? Waters did a Q&A for a good 20 minutes at the end, with the house lights up, and, although it wasn’t necessarily shocking that he did it, I certainly wasn’t expecting it. It was during this section that the full personality—more or less—was on display, and what Waters might have previously lacked in performance acumen during the formal set, he made up for during this segment. The Q&A was prefaced with, “I’ll answer anything.” During it, he discussed how the internet has hooked up the world to the point where you can create anywhere, but there are still a few cities left that have “local color” (for example, Baltimore). How his books sell better than his last film did. How one of his favorite recent films was Mom and Dad. How “no’s” are free, but you only need one “yes” to make it in show business. How dogs have been sentenced to a lifetime of “human caresses.” That after he met Clint Eastwood, the press coined the meeting as, “The Odd Couple.” How Divine could make it today, since it’s even easier to make “underground” films now. His thoughts on glory holes (he likes them). And, lastly, Waters urged the audience to keep creating. For, “It’s easy to shock. But it’s much harder to make people laugh at what they’re uncomfortable with—that’s what I always tried to do.”
Sunshine Cathedral is located at 1480 Southwest 9th Ave., in Fort Lauderdale, Florida.
OMG, Becky, it was, like, so cute! And the guys were adorable! Especially the super gay one, Zanna—who’s like a genie or a gay Dolly Levi or something—who has a magic wand that makes everyone fall in love. And he’s so great in every scene. Such a princess! All of this fabulousness takes place in a high school where you have to be gay or they throw you out. And so the captain of the football team falls in love with this guy who always wins at chess.
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I know it would never happen, but it does, and they’re so perfect together. They even sing a love song to each other. I just wanted to hug both of them, but I stayed in my seat. Zanna, Don’t! is a bit like Grease, with all these catchy songs. Really, it’s the gay cousin of Grease—only better, because it’s so cute. Everybody’s in love in it, until the football captain kisses the girlfriend of a waitress.
PHOTOGRAPH COURTESY OF ZANNA, DONT! PRODUCTIONS
The two end up falling in love with each other, and it’s a mess, because the high school says that you have to be gay—but they’re straight for each other! So Zanna, the super gay genie, tries to make it all work out, but the football captain breaks Zanna’s magic wand at the prom, and then everyone who was gay becomes straight. I know, it sounds rather convoluted, but it all made sense with the music. There was even a standing ovation at the end when the entire cast sang the last song.
PHOTOGRAPH COURTESY OF ZANNA, DONT! PRODUCTIONS
In the end, I don’t know what Zanna wasn’t supposed to do, but I guess he did it anyway. The show is in super-gay Wilton Manors, and if you want to see it, you should probably get tickets ahead of time, because it’s in a tiny theater. I was practically sitting on the stage. And the best part? The cast was in the lobby when you left the theater—thanking everyone for coming—and I got to talk to Zanna! How cool is that?!
Art Garfunkel played to a sold-out crowd in Fort Lauderdale on Thursday, but his voice was a “troubled water”
SHADE-O-METER RATING
2 OUTTA 5 WERKS: “NOT FEELING IT”
Who’s Art Garfunkel? He’s a singer, poet and actor, and, most famously, he was part of the folk rock duo, Simon and Garfunkel. What’s Parker Playhouse? It’s a neo-classical theater in Fort Lauderdale. It opened in 1967, and it holds about 1,200 people. How was the venue? Slightly ostentatious. How was the parking? They have valet, or you can park in grass-lots and walk a short distance to the venue. Does the venue serve liquor? Yes. They have a full bar. How were the drinks? Wine was $9 for a single and $14 for a double. We didn’t get any liquor. Does the venue serve food? No. How much were the tickets? $52.50. Where were the seats? Towards the back. Was the show sold out? Yes. Was there an opening act? No. How was Garfunkel’s voice? Unfortunately, there wasn’t much there. And I had no idea that he lost it (from vocal fold paresis) until Garfunkel told the audience that it disappeared in 2010. But one wonders, if you’re a singer, why do shows—and charge the audience for tickets—with what appeared to be a chronically damaged voice? The desire to sing does not necessarily supplant one’s ability to do so.
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Garfunkel’s history is told in flowing prose, bounding from present to past, far from a linear rags-to-riches story.
How was the show? One seldom sees less austerity in a concert. The set consisted of one keyboard, one piano, a couple of stools, and a table—that was it. Garfunkel and his two musicians—a pianist and guitarist—unceremoniously walked onto the stage to temperate applause. I’m not even sure that everyone realized it was him at first. The show, as described by Garfunkel, consisted of one-third poetry and two-thirds songs, and it was presented within the confines of legitimate theater. I.E., patrons were only shown to their seats in between numbers, and NO photography was allowed (I actually had to take notes by the dim illumination of an aisle light; not fun). The stage lighting was murky and virtually nonexistent, there were no video screens, a spotlight on him was conspicuously absent, and, if you weren’t close… Well, good luck discerning any facial features.
However, Garfunkel was an emotional singer, gesticulating with his hands and body in an organic manner, which does enhance the songs. He played a fair-amount of the Simon and Garfunkel catalogue, including “Scarborough Fair,”“Homeward Bound” (the last song before the intermission), and a souped-up version of “The Sound of Silence.” Regarding the poetry parts, and his intermittent banter (he has a dry, somewhat droll, sense of humor), some of Garfunkel’s more interesting comments were: “The 60s was a big decade for me.” “Do you remember a time before iTunes and cell phones?” And, “I was born in 1941. It’s how old I am; it’s how old you are. We’re all in this together” (which was met with chuckles from the audience). And finally, the moment came for the signature song, prefaced with, “If I don’t at least attempt ‘Bridge over Troubled Water,’ I won’t make it out of Fort Lauderdale alive. But there won’t be any high note.” And none there were.
How was the crowd? About Garfunkel’s age, which is 76. And when he rhetorically asked the audience what they thought was the best venue (answer: the Royal Albert Hall) that he ever played in, some moron yelled out, “Parker Playhouse.” Pure class. What could have improved the show? Nothing. If there’s no voice, bitch gotta’ give it up. What was surprising about the show? That despite what one may think about the show, at least have the courtesy to stay to the end. But about one-fifth of the crowd exited the theater as Garfunkel was singing his one encore.
Parker Playhouse is located at 707 Northeast 8th St., in Fort Lauderdale, Florida.
The original Chardees was open from 1990 to 2005, in the space where Southern Nights currently is. As if time stood still for the years in between, the young and old came out this Wednesday and Thursday night to reunite for the grand opening of this now-historic South Florida venue.
4 OUTTA 5 WERKS: “SHE GAVE GOOD FACE – SHE SERVED IT”
What’s Bareback Follies? It’s a burlesque/drag show at El Tucan. It’s hosted by long-time New York club promoter Suzanne Bartsch. What’s El Tucan? It’s a cabaret/nightclub in downtown Miami. Specifically, it’s in the Brickell area. The venue offers a dinner and a show.
How was the venue? It’s beautiful and classy. It’s also the perfect size (for you size queens). How was the parking? There’s a parking lot right around the corner. It costs $10 to park in it. The venue has valet as well. Does the venue serve liquor? Of course.
How were the drinks? Now, here’s where things went wrong. If you’re going to advertise “luxe libations,” then you better have bartenders that know what a sidecar is. Methinks The Fine Art of Mixing Cocktails would be mandatory reading for their bartenders. Other than this faux pas, the drinks were well-made. However, even for Miami, they’re a bit pricey. Wine was $17, and a Manhattan was $15. Girls, this ain’t the Four Seasons.
Does the venue serve food? Yes. However, we didn’t do the dinner and show—just the show. The regular prix-fixe is $55, and the seasonal one is $85. How much were the tickets? $25. Was the show sold out? No. How was the crowd? At times, in competition with the performers for the spotlight.
How was the show? The inheritors of Warhol’s “Silver” Factor crowd, and a group that could be considered one of the earliest media whores, the club kids of the 1980s and early 1990s would even rival today’s most Instagram-obsessed individuals for attention. The show featured some notable figures from that era, some modern burlesque acts, and some performers from RuPaul’s Drag Race. Standout numbers were Shequida singing “Whatever Lola Wants” (re-done as “Whatever Shequida Wants”), where she fluctuated between a baritone voice and a contralto, Brent Ray Fraser painting with his penis, Amanda Lepore (billed as “having a body that costs a million dollars”), and Adora, who cleverly channeled the history of the area with an exaggerated “cha-cha” number.
What could have improved the show? Although all of the performances were professional and adept, some of them didn’t necessarily stand out. To quote “Mama Ru,” some of them should probably be “up for elimination” in order to elevate the bar.
What could have improved the venue? Um, the AC wasn’t really working. It must have been 1,000 degrees in there. If you’re going to have a dress code, and you want people to come in “cocktail attire” or “formal wear,” please appropriately chill the customers (or change the dress code to clothing-optional).
What was surprising about the show? That it left you wanting more. Each performer only did one number, so they gave you their best.
El Tucan is located at 1111 Southwest 1st Ave., in Miami, Florida. It open Thursday, Friday and Saturday.
3 OUTTA 5 WERKS: “NO SHADE, BUT SHE DIDN’T TURN IT OUT”
What’s GRINDR: The Opera? It’s a pop opera. The music, libretto and lyrics are by Erik Ransom. What’s Empire Stage? It’s a lovely little theater in an industrial section of Wilton Manors. Specifically, it’s down the street from the all-male strip club, Le Boy. How many people does the venue hold? About 50. How was the parking? They have parking behind the venue and on the street. Both are free. Does the venue serve liquor? No imbibements are offered. Does the venue serve food? Nope. How much were the tickets? $35. Was the show sold out? Yes. How was the crowd? All queens. I don’t think I saw one female in the house.
How was the music? To quote Hamlet, “The play’s the thing.” That too can be said of a musical—the music’s “the thing.” Considering this, it’s highly unlikely that one would leave the theater remembering one song that was heard. I certainly didn’t. The only song that I remembered was the last one, “What a Tangled Web We Weave,” and that was only because of the title. The mostly-derivative pop rock-ish score consisted of whiffs of lesser numbers from Hamilton, Rent, Next to Normal, Dear Even Hanson and Depeche Mode, and then filtered through the prism of the cult film Phantom of the Paradise. Of note, the show is performed to a track.
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How was the story? The story consists of a rather conventional conceit of four male Grindr uses who’s lives inevitably intersect. One could view this aspect of the story as a metaphor for the medical opinion that when you sleep with someone, you’re also sleeping with everyone else that they’ve ever slept with. GRINDR: The Opera is a story of boy-meets-boy, boy then cheats-on-boy. To make matters worse, the “Jezebel” character who sleeps with the one boy—sobriqueted on Grindr as “powerbottom18”—has a father that’s a closet-cased city councilman. Surveying all these festivities was the “spirt” of Grindr, or “mother” Grindr herself—a drag queen. How were the lyrics? With lyrics such as “I want to be seeded,” “I’ll be your cum dumpster,” “Split me down the middle like the Berlin Wall,” and “Fuck me until I’m bleeding,” this show definitely ain’t for the kiddies. Parents and expecting mothers, take note.
How was the set design and staging? This was fine. If anything, this was one of the better aspects of the show. The staging used the limited space and resources to maximum effect, with actors shifting around sets and props to indicate transitions. The infamous Grindr logo loomed front and center, with Sauron-like glowing eyes that surveyed the character’s antics. How was the costume design? Appropriate, for the most part, yet not always. For example, a glaring example of an incorrect design was the costume for the councilman character. The character was dressed in an ill-fitted suit, with no tie or socks on, and with the shirt collar worn over the jacket’s collar. Not only is this 1990s-inspired look inappropriate for a contemporary show, but it’s highly unlikely that an uptight closet case politician would be caught dead in such a disheveled getup.
What could have improved the show? The music is what it is, and it’s up to the composer to write better songs. However, of particular irritation was this “mother” Grindr character, which, according to the website, is described as a “mythical” siren. Even those with only a passing knowledge of Greek mythology will recognize the symbolic similarities between the Grindr icon and the permanently erect and ready satyr. One can only imagine why mother “Drag Race” Grindr wasn’t reconceived as some kind of devil-faced enticing “daddy” Grindr instead. What was surprising about the show? According to the creator of Grindr, the app is named after coffee grinds, as in, “grinding” people together like they were coffee grounds. In that venture, the musical appeared to succeed.
GRINDR: The Opera plays through November 19 at Empire Stage. Empire Stage is located at 1140 North Flagler Drive, in Fort Lauderdale, Florida.
How was the show? One seldom sees less austerity in a concert. The set consisted of one keyboard, one piano, a couple of stools, and a table—that was it. Garfunkel and his two musicians—a pianist and guitarist—unceremoniously walked onto the stage to temperate applause. I’m not even sure that everyone realized it was him at first. The show, as described by Garfunkel, consisted of one-third poetry and two-thirds songs, and it was presented within the confines of legitimate theater. I.E., patrons were only shown to their seats in between numbers, and NO photography was allowed (I actually had to take notes by the dim illumination of an aisle light; not fun). The stage lighting was murky and virtually nonexistent, there were no video screens, a spotlight on him was conspicuously absent, and, if you weren’t close… Well, good luck discerning any facial features.
