What other comic can be found in a “traditional” sitcom and on Xtube?  Ladies and gentlemen, meet Peter Biscuito.

By Mike Jeknavorian

Where did you grow up?  In Webster, New York.  What do you miss about it there?  My friends and family.  Well, “certain” friends and family.  How long have you lived in South Florida?  For four years.  Why did you move here?  I was living in Buffalo, New York, and I got tired of the cold winters.  What part of South Florida do you live in?  In the best part—Fort Lauderdale.  What do you like most about living here?  The social life.  Where do you hang out in South Florida?  On my couch.  Do you consider yourself more a performer or a producer/writer?  Bitch, please.  I do it all—perform, produce, write, direct, dictate, manage, control and manipulate…  You name it.  Which one of your old jobs least prepared you for what you do now?  Least prepared me…?  Um, I worked at a bowling alley once.  Nothing that I do now involves bowling or wearing ugly shoes.

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Other than Vent and Chester, of all of your projects in front of the camera, which one was the most special so far?  I performed a sold-out show at the Broward Center in December 2016.  It was the most successful show of my life, and it convinced me that I can be just as famous as anybody else that’s performed there.  Of all your projects behind the camera, which one do you cherish the most?  I used to own a wedding videography business for many years.  My wedding videos were kick-ass!  What’s the weirdest thing that ever happened to you on stage?  I performed at a gay nudist camp in the Pocono Mountains.  Although I didn’t perform nude, I did get naked for the last three minutes of the show.  That felt pretty weird being naked in front of 700 gay men.  However, I did make a lot of friends (laughs).  Who would you kill to perform with or work with?  Well, I wouldn’t kill anybody, but I’d love to work with Madonna or Bette Midler.  What other comic inspired you the most?  Kathleen Madigan.  She was the one who truly inspired me to pursue comedy.  Will you ever retire?  I don’t think I would completely retire, but when I could afford it, I would only work a fraction of the time.  Perhaps on a fun project here and there…

What’s the weirdest question that a fan’s asked you?  I have fans…?  When did this happen?  What other celebrity did you act like a “fan” around?  I met Lou Ferrigno once in 2001.  I was a huge fan of his growing up.  Don’t worry, I never told him that I used to masturbate to his photos.  What’s the last thing that you watched on TV?  Tom Hanks’ documentary series on Netflix about the 1970s.  Wow, Richard Nixon was quite the douche bag.  What’s the craziest thing that you ever did?  Crazy…?  I wish I did crazy things.  I’m the most straight-forward guy you’ll ever meet.  I have a perfect driving record since 1986.  I don’t even have a cavity in my mouth, for god’s sake.  I did walk my dog and didn’t clean up his shit once.  What’s your favorite book?  The bible.  It’s perfect to prop up a couch.  What’s the best concert that you ever went to?  Bugs Bunny in concert at the Hollywood Bowl in Los Angeles in 1999.  Do you still have your childhood blanket or stuffed animal?  No.  They both got too crusty, so my mom threw them away.  What’s the last thing that you looked at online?  The promo video for Vent and Chester.

What’s the best place that you’ve ever visited?  Amsterdam!  I love that place.  If God were to take you tomorrow, how would you like to be remembered?  My goal is for millions to say, “Peter made me smile.”  What do you want to live long enough to see?  The ability to fly.  What’s something that you learned in life only when you got older?  The sciatica really does hurt.  What did you learn from your parents?  How to laugh at myself.  Who’s your favorite performer?  Me!!  What’s your best characteristic?  My heart.  How do you enjoy spending your time?  I love going to the movies with a big bucket of popcorn and soda.  What celebrity do you have crush on?  Mariah Carey.  Who do you admire?  Anybody with a good sense of humor.  If you could bring one person back from the dead, who would it be?  Wow, that’s a tough one.  I miss my grandmother like crazy.  I never met my grandfather.  He died before I was born, so he’d be kind of cool to meet.  However, I think that I’d bring back my sister.  She was only 35 when she died and still had a whole life ahead of her.

Where would you go in a time machine?  I’d go to one day prior to hearing the winning lottery numbers.  How do you take your coffee or tea?  Up the ass.  What would your last meal be?  Angel hair pasta.  What do you worry about?  E-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g!  What are you afraid of?  Stupid people.  If you were a musical instrument, what would you be?  A skin flute.  Are you more like a sheep or a wolf?  A sheep every day, but a wolf in bed.  Who depends on you, and for what?  My dog depends on me for love, affection and food.  Who are you closest with?  My mom.  What would your autobiography be called?  I don’t wanna ruin the surprise.  What’s on your bucket list?  A world tour.  What’s your greatest regret in life?  Not starting comedy sooner in life.  What’s something secretive about you that people don’t know?  That I never pee standing up.  I always sit down.  Where can we see you?  On Xtube or at my website.