FIONA O’BRIEN

Through the pain of a recent loss, rising comedian Fiona O’Brien keeps her sense of humor intact as she reveals her likes and dislikes, including how quality control at Cadbury would be her ideal job

PHOTOGRAPH BY MICHELLE DUNLEAVY

Where did you grow up?  In Sutton, Dublin, in Ireland.  Where do you live now?  In Toronto, Canada.  How long have you lived there?  For five years.  What do you like about it?  Tim HortonsIf you could live anywhere, where would it be?  At my mom’s house. What’s your claim-to-fame?  Being a shit-cool mother fucka.  What comics follow you on Twitter?  Among others, Rosie O’Donnell and Lisa LampanelliWho’s your favorite female comic?  Joan RiversWho’s your favorite male comic?  Tommy TiernanWhat makes a good stand-up comic?  Confidence, and faith in yourself.


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Joan Rivers: A Piece of Work takes the audience on a year long ride with legendary comedian Joan Rivers in her 76th year of life. Peeling away the mask of an iconic comedian, the film is an emotionally surprising and revealing portrait of one the most hilarious and long-standing career women ever in the business.

What performer are you inspired by?  Joan Rivers, Whoopi Goldberg and Robin Williams.  What’s your favorite film?  JawsWhat’s your favorite comedy film?  This Is Spinal Tap.  What’s your dream job?  Quality control at CadburyWill you ever retire?  No.  What’s the last thing that you looked at online?  Lego.  What’s the best place that you’ve visited, and why?  Egypt, because I love the Egyptian history.  What’s the last thing that you watched on TV?  The Sound of MusicWhat’s the craziest thing that you ever did?  Gate-crashing a wedding with my friend.  What’s your favorite book?  Watermelon by Marian Keyes.

PHOTOGRAPH BY MICHELLE DUNLEAVY

What’s the best concert you ever went to?  Tina TurnerWhat did you learn from your parents?  That you can’t stop tomorrow from coming.  What’s your best characteristic?  My sense of humor.  How do you enjoy spending your time?  Playing around on my phone.  What celebrity do you have a crush on?  Keanu Reeves, but only if he was a mute.  Who do you admire, and why?  My mom and dad, for loving us unconditionally.  If you could bring one person back from the dead, who would it be, and why?  My dad.  He died this year, and he was my favorite person.  Where would you go in a time machine, and why?  Back to the day before my wedding.  The “why” is obvious.

PHOTOGRAPH BY JUSTIN TRUDEAU

What would your last meal be?  Ice cream.  What do you worry about?  Money.  If you were a musical instrument, what would you be?  My daughter said a trumpet.  Are you more like a sheep or a wolf?  A wolf.  Who depends on you?  My favorite child does, and also the other two.  Who are you closest with?  My sister, Orla.   What would your autobiography be called?  Are You Feckin’ Serious?  What music do you listen to when you’re upset? The Pointer SistersWhat’s on your bucket list?  To write a book.  What’s your greatest regret in life?  Not visiting Ireland as often as I could of.  Can you tell me something that you never told anyone else?  Yes.  Where can we see you?  At www.fionaobrien.ca, on my Facebook Web Series, on YouTube, on Twitter, or at a comedy club!

TOM FITZPATRICK

Horror star and connoisseur of vintage cinema, Tom Fitzpatrick, reveals what he’s superstitious about, where he’d go in a time machine, and what beckoned him to Hollywood

Where did you grow up?  I grew up on a dairy farm near Rexville, New York, in a tiny hamlet in Southwestern New York State.  Where you live now?  In West Hollywood, California.  Why did you move there?  I always wanted to live there.  Specifically, I wanted to live in the “Hollywood” that I saw in the movie magazine photos—which doesn’t exist anymore, if it ever did.  But West Hollywood is the same; it’s only better!  Tell me something about Los Angeles that most people don’t know.  Hmm…  Captive Native Americans were sold as slaves in a slave market that existed on the streets of downtown Los Angeles, as late as the 1850s.  Are you proud to be an American yet?  What’s your claimtofameI guess that I played The Bride in Black in Episodes II and III of the Insidious horror franchise, and I played Kevin Hart’s long-suffering English butler on the BET series Real Husbands of HollywoodHow would you like to be remembered?  As a fabulous actor who never got his due during his lifetime.  Will you ever retire?  Nah, I’ll never retire.  I’m just getting started.  What are your favorite silent movies?  Sunrise, Intolerance, A Fool There Was, and The General.  What are your favorite early talkies?  The Beast of the City, Dracula, and She Done Him Wrong.  What’s your favorite contemporary movie?  Tangerine.  Who are your favorite performers from silent films?  Buster Keaton, Clara Bow, Mary Pickford and Theda Bara.  Who’s your favorite performer from talkies?  Mae West.


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Who’s your favorite contemporary performer, and why?  Meryl Streep and Laurie Metcalf, because them broads can act!  What makes a good silent movie?  Good pace, superb photography, subtle acting and a good story.  What makes a good talkie?  All of the other things I just said, plus good, fast-paced dialogue in that dear, old-fashioned Broadway style.  It needs to be snappy.  What’s the last thing that you looked at onlineI searched for “massive cocks” on Reddit, okay?  Nosy bitch.  What’s the best place that youve visited, and whyParis.  Why…?!  Jesus Christ, it’s fucking Paris!  It’s the best city in the world, hands down.  What’s your favorite band?  I have no “favorite” band. I literally know nothing of contemporary music, and my ignorance doesn’t bother me at all.  Who would play you in a movie?  Glenda Jackson…?  No, I don’t know.  Stupid question, dear.  What are you superstitious about?  Oh, God.  Never, EVER, quote anything from Shakespeare’s Scottish play in my presence.  That’s my greatest fear.  Never, EVER, whistle in the dressing room.  Never cross paths backstage with anyone going up or down the stairs.  Never wear a blue costume without some silver on it to offset the blue.  Never peek out at the audience from behind the curtain before the show.  And, of course, say “break a leg” to a performer, but never say “good luck.”  I knock-on-wood all the while backstage before a show, and I pray as well.  Do you believe in aliens?  Aliens…?  Nah. We’re alone on this rock in the universe, kids.  Sorry. 

What’s your guilty pleasure?  I have no guilty pleasure.  Anything I want to do, I go ahead and do it.  Fuck it.  Life is too short.  I had 17 years of a Catholic childhood, and that gave me more than enough guilt for two fucking lifetimes.  How do you most enjoy spending your time?  Going to excellent films at The Arclight Theatre in Hollywood, or sitting quietly, reading great books by P. G. Wodehouse or Agatha Christie.  What celebrity do you have a crush on?  Keanu Reeves.  Who do you admire?  Keanu Reeves.  The guy is classy and cool.  He’s the product of a good mom, I bet.  If you could bring one person back from the dead, who would it be, and why?  My beloved best friend that I ever had in my life, the late Iranian-American avant-garde theatre director, Reza Abdoh.  He and I worked together for ten years and made ten shows together.  He died of AIDS in 1995, and I still miss him and think of him every day.  Best guy on earth, ever, by me.  Where would you go in a time machine, and why?  I’d go to Hollywood, California, at about 1912 or 1913.  I’d break into silents at the very beginning.  I’d get in on the ground floor.  A new art form was being created, you know?  The last art form, probably.  What else can be done…?  What would your last meal be?  I dunno.  A hunk of salmon, some veggies and rice, a glass of good red wine, a great cuppa coffee, and a slice of good chocolate cake for dessert.

What do you worry about?  Money.  But I don’t need much.  If you were a musical instrument, what would you be, and why?  The oboe. I like the soothing sound, and it sounds very close to the human voice.  Are you more like a sheep or a wolf?  A wolf, baby.  Make no mistake about it.  I might be a small, sneaky wolf, but a wolf nevertheless.  Who depends on you?  Nobody depends on me.  Thank God.  Who are you closest with?  Four “kids” from the company of actors my friend Reza created to do his works, two old friends from a long-running show that I did in Boston in the early 1970s, and a newbie from Facebook—the fine young film director, Anoushirvan Masoudi.  What would your autobiography be called?  Either I Always Wanted to Be Here, or Thank God That’s OverDo you ever put music on when you’re upset?  No.  No music.  What’s on your bucket list?  To get a regular or recurring role on some damned TV show that takes off and runs for 10 years, and to make beaucoup flicks for really good, artistic directors.  What’s your greatest regret in lifeI turned down a few gigs that might have led to more interesting work.  Tell me something that you’ve never told anyone else.  I’ve already told you enough.  No mas, papi.  Sorry.  No hitherto unpublished secrets will be divulged here.  Where can we see you?  In the upcoming film Regarding the Case of Joan of Arc and in an episode in the upcoming web series Driven.