key west dinning – 120 SECONDS

SHADE-O-METER RATING

3 OUTTA 5 WERKS: “NO SHADE, BUT SHE DIDN’T TURN IT OUT”

What’s Caroline’s Cafe? It’s a restaurant on Duval Street in Key West. The restaurant is housed in the Joseph Y. Porter House, which dates to 1838. Joseph Y. Porter was Key West’s first native-born doctor. Was there an age restriction? No. What time did we go? At about 9:00 p.m., on a Sunday.

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How was the maître d’? A younger person, I believe. No impression was left. What was the décor like? Predominately inspired by imagery associated with Key West artists and localism. What was the seating like? It’s all outdoors. What was the atmosphere like? Very casual.

What was the crowd like? Leaning on the younger side. How was the cruising? Nonexistent. When’s happy hour? No happy hour. I asked. What libations were ordered? A chardonnay for $6.00, and a grapefruit margarita for $8.00. Were they served timely? Yes.

How were the drinks? The wine was fine. The margarita was advertised as a “featured cocktail.” Considering that, there could have been more to it. The drink seemed like it was a regular margarita, but with canned grapefruit juice simply poured into it. What was ordered? A Boston Lettuce Wrap for $10.99, Spicy Cajun Jambalaya for $18.99, and Rev. Joe’s Burger for $9.99. Was the food served timely? Yes.

How was the food? The sauces, a peanut one and a spicy Thai one, in the Boston Lettuce Wrap were good. The grilled chicken in it was fine as well. However, the dish should come with a serving spoon or some such utensil. The shrimp in the Spicy Cajun Jambalaya was excellent—plump and not overcooked—but the the andouille in it was less impressive. The French fries that were served with Rev. Joe’s Burger were great. With the first bite it was apparent that the oil that was used to fry them was high-quality. The fries also weren’t masked with a bunch of salt—you can actually taste them. Regarding the burger, I’m not sure how Rev. Joe plays into it, but the website advertises that his burger is the “biggest and the best.” It certainly didn’t look like the biggest around (no pun intended, ladies), and it definitely wasn’t the best. What it did look like was a Whopper, but it didn’t even taste as good as one.

How was the service? Here’s where Miss Caroline will have to take a hit. For some reason, the wait at the end was excessive. This appeared inexplicable, for, if anything, the crowd didn’t increase as it got later but actually thinned out.

What stands out about the restaurant? The view of Duval Street. The tables that border Duval Street allow you to watch the people parade on by on it. What could be improved? The food overall. Nothing was special about any of it.

What was surprising? The nonsense that happens on Duval Street. Fat Tuesday is across the street, and there were a pack of delightful sorority/frat-house types that graciously provided free twerking demonstrations—along with the accompaniments of their friends yelling and cheering them on—on the spacious steps of the bar. Alas, although it seemed like one of them was about to take a tumble and go head over heels down the steps, it never happened. One could only hope.

Caroline’s Café is located at 301 Duval St., in Key West, Florida. They’re open daily from 11:00 a.m. to 11:30 p.m.

SHADE-O-METER RATING

4 OUTTA 5 WERKS: “SHE GAVE GOOD FACE – SHE SERVED IT”

What’s Onlywood? It’s an Italian “trattoria” (Notably, there are three Italian-dinning styles. Osteria, which is tantamount to American take-out, is the least formal. Trattoria, which is casual but still consists of table service. And ristorante, which is the most formal and emphasizes haute cuisine) in Key West. The restaurant is right off of Duval Street, but it’s rather easy to miss if you don’t know what you’re looking for. Hence, there’s a slight air of the “hidden gem” going on with it.

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Was there an age restriction? No. What time did we go? Around 9:30 p.m. How was the maître d’? No complaints. What was the décor like? The lighting is low in the alley that leads to the restaurant, so there’s a haunted-house vibe that exudes as one enters. The décor of the restaurant itself is done in typical Key West style.

What was the seating like? The inside seating is more illuminated and less quaint than the al fresco area. What was the atmosphere like? Casual. In addition, many of the staff speak Italian. What was the crowd like? Mostly tourists.

How was the cruising? The days of Key West as a gay mecca are long gone. No cruising. When’s happy hour? Daily, from 5:30 p.m. to 7:00 p.m. What libations were ordered? One glass of white wine, which was $9. Were they served timely? Yes.

How were the drinks? There was nothing great, but nothing bad, about the wine. What was ordered? An Alla Caprese salad for $13.50, Fettucine alla Bolognese for $17.50, Fettucine Parma e Parmigiano for $15.50, and a 4 Maiali pizza for $18.50. Was the food served timely? Yes.

How was the food? The mozzarella in the caprese salad was advertised as homemade, and possessed a wonderful richness to it. The tomatoes in the dish were less impressive. The fettucine in the bolognese was homemade and egg-based. The noodles were excellent, but the meat was a bit bland. The noodles were the same kind in the parmigiana dish, and the sauce in this dish was authentic and first-rate. Regarding the pizza, the restaurant has an imported brick oven, and if there’s one standout to the place, it would likely be their pizzas. The sauce in the pizza pops in the mouth on the first bite, and the prosciutto and pepperoni in it was delicious. However, the pizza’s crust was bit of a disappointment, as there was no required crunch.

How was the service? Fine, but there was nothing special about it, either. What stands out about the place? The pizza and the al fresco dinning. What could be improved? The food needs to be a little more consistent. In addition, the plant on the table with the price tag kind-of blew the “trattoria” bucolic theme.

What was surprising? The music. It was all Italian, but each song was basically a rip-off of non-Italian artists. The music went from an early-rock Buddy Holly-ish song, to The Stones, to Bob Dylan and then to Abba.