June 30, 2019December 29, 2019 MIKE JEKNAVORIAN National Interviews

FRANK DECARO

Frank DeCaro has interviewed them all, from Mel Brooks to Robin Williams to Bea Arthur. But on the heels of his new retrospective book about drag, what old job did DeCaro have that he said was a “real” drag?

If you had to live somewhere other than New Jersey or Los Angeles, where you would live? I wish we still had a Manhattan apartment. When I’m in New York City from morning until night—which happens a lot—there’s never anywhere to nap in the afternoon. I miss that. What’s special about L.A. that isn’t common knowledge? Not everyone knows that the best underground drag theater in L.A. is literally underground. It’s at the Cavern Club Celebrity Theater in the basement of a Mexican restaurant called Casita Del Campo in Silver Lake. I’ve had more fun there than the law allows. What’s the “interview that got away”? Liberace. When I get to hell, I hope he’s the first person I see. Which interview is most special to you, and why? Mel Brooks, because he’s my comedy idol. And at the end of our chat he said, “No bullshit. I really enjoyed this.” My hour with Robin Williams was pretty special, too. We compared our ridiculously hairy arms, and he said, “You’re wearing the Quest for Fire opera gloves, too!” I loved talking with Bea Arthur, too. She swore like a sailor, just as I hoped she would.

Drag celebrates the fabulous current and historical influence of drag, and its talented and inspiring performers.

Who’s your dream interview? I want to write a first-person piece called, “My Year of Living with Cher.” What’s the most embarrassing thing that ever happened during an interview? When I was doing my satellite radio show, Alan Arkin came on to promote his memoir, and then—when the red light went on—he decided he didn’t want to talk about it. His publicist was mortified. Other than Bob Mackie, who’s your favorite designer? I wrote about fashion for many years, and I adored getting to know Gianni Versace, the man as well as the designer. He was very funny and very big-hearted. Franco Moschino was a hoot, too. I shouldn’t pick only Italians, so, while I’m namedropping, I’ll say that Karl Lagerfeld and Jean-Paul Gaultier were always pistols to chat with. But, yeah, Bob Mackie will always be my favorite. The book he and I did together in 1999 is a real treasure. Other than RuPaul, who’s the most important drag queen, and why? The brilliant playwright and actor Harvey Fierstein has done so much to not only entertain audiences, but also to educate them. Thanks to him—and Mama Ru—drag queens can be more authentically and gloriously themselves. He’s a true LGBTQ icon and activist, and I love that we’re pals.

Which drag queen is the most underrated? More people need to know about the great Charles Pierce. He was an amazing female impersonator whose signature bit was Bette Davis and Tallulah Bankhead reading each other to filth. He’d do them both at the same time! He’d say things like, “You’re so old, you need moisturizer or wood filler!” It was genius. Do you think that drag is too commercial now, or is that a good thing? No! I love how mainstream drag is now! It’s about time everyone got with the program. But, thank heaven, there’s also plenty of subversive drag for the snatching, too. You just have to look harder to find the really wigged-out stuff—but you should! Which one of your old jobs least prepared you for what you do now? My two-day stint at Burger King. It was a real drag. If God were to take you tomorrow, how would you like to be remembered? As someone who was really funny and really smart and a really good kisser. What do you want to live long enough to see? Me, back on TV on a regular basis! Will you ever retire? No! My work is too fun to ever retire. Plus, there’s this pair of Gucci glitter sneakers… What’s the weirdest question that a fan ever asked you? In high school, a classmate asked if he could paint my nose. Not on canvas, my actual nose. He was not a fan.

What other celebrity did you act like a “fan” around? I was star-struck when I said “hello” to Michelle Williams last week at a Fosse/Verdon event. She’s so fantastic as Gwen Verdon that I was in awe just to breathe the same air! What’s the last thing that you looked at online? My latest “Drag Moment of the Day” post! I post them every day at @frankdecaroshow on every social media platform but Scruff. What’s the best place that you’ve visited? Hawaii. And the Haunted Mansion at Disneyland. What’s your favorite movie? Imitation of Life—the 1959 Douglas Sirk version. What drives you crazy? A lack of curiosity, poor grammar, and bad teeth. Not necessarily in that order. Do you like zoos? I like a good sample sale. They can be a real zoo. What’s something that you learned in life only when you got older? That the only way isn’t up, it’s forward. What did you learn from your parents? My mother always said, “Nobody’s better than you, and you’re no better than anyone else.” She was right. Who’s your favorite performer? Elton John. What’s your best characteristic? That the littlest things can bring me total joy. How do you enjoy spending your time? Laughing. What celebrity do you have crush on? Idris Elba. I’d like him to you-know-what me in half.

If you’ve ever fantasized about feasting on Frank Sinatra’s Barbecued Lamb, lunching on Lucille Ball’s “Chinese-y Thing,” diving ever-so-neatly into Joan Crawford’s Poached Salmon, or wrapping your lips around Rock Hudson’s cannoli – and really, who hasn’t? – hold on to your oven mitts!

Whom do you admire? My husband, Jim Colucci. He’s the author of Golden Girls Forever, and just a swell guy. And my drag mother, Bruce Vilanch. If you could bring one person back from the dead, who would it be? Divine. Where would you go in a time machine? The Shrine Auditorium in Los Angeles on March 29, 1989. I want to be in the room when Rob Lowe and Snow White sing their duet together on the Oscars. What’s your favorite recipe? Bucatini pasta with garlic, anchovies, and breadcrumbs. It’s my best dish, although my chocolate chip cookies with pecans and Heath Bar chips rock, too. What would your last meal be? A double Shack Burger, fries, and a Concrete from the Shake Shack. What are you afraid of? Stupid people in positions of power. If you were a musical instrument, what would you be? A kazoo. Who are you closest with? My husband, my dog, and my “wife.” What’s on your bucket list? Seeing the Taj Mahal and the Sydney Opera House in person. What’s your greatest regret in life? Not learning to tap dance or speak fluent Italian—yet. What’s something secret about you that people don’t know? I find doing laundry extremely satisfying. Where can we see you? On my social media platforms, on my website, and at book signings!

March 17, 2019March 17, 2019 MIKE JEKNAVORIAN National Interviews

COCO PERU

Coco Peru brings her unique brand of humor to Fort Lauderdale’s Sunshine Cathedral on March 23

Of all the movies and TV shows that you’ve been in, which one’s your favorite? Trick, because I got to do a monologue, and it’s the film that put me on the map back in 1999! Which interview from your live show, Conversations with Coco, is the most special to you? They were all very special to me, but the person who started it all with me was Bea Arthur, who was my idol growing up. And although she was very nervous about doing it, she cared deeply for gay youth and for me, and I will never forget that my idol did that favor for me by being my first guest. What’s the strangest thing that even happened to you onstage? I was doing a show in Provincetown, and there was a storm. Towards the end of the show, the electricity went out. I was standing there in total darkness, and the audience thought the show was over, and they were applauding. Finally, they all realized the electricity had gone out. And as they filed out of the theater, I was yelling out for help, because I was stuck onstage alone and couldn’t see a thing.

Is Drag Race making drag too commercial? I get asked this question a lot. My beef with reality TV, in general, is that we have made celebrities out of people who sometimes don’t have any craft, and we sadly don’t expect or even desire that an “entertainer” have a craft. We are willing to throw our money at mediocrity. However, I have benefitted personally from Drag Race and from drag becoming more mainstream. I have many talented friends who’ve been on that show and have a craft and who deserve the success, and it’s amazing that we live in a world now where Ru can win Emmys! Which one of your old jobs least prepared you for what you do now? Being a waiter. I was terrible! If God were to take you tomorrow, how would you like to be remembered? She did her best. What do you want to live long enough to see? Contact with alien life. Will you ever retire? Yes, in four years. What’s the weirdest question that a fan’s asked you? After showing a video in a show of myself speaking at Bea Arthur’s memorial, a fan asked me, “Did you really speak at Bea Arthur’s memorial?”

What’s the meanest thing that a homophobe has ever said to you? “Can I help you, sir?” What other celebrity did you act like a “fan” around? Barbra Streisand. What’s the last thing that you looked at online? An article about Drag Race doing a “Legends” season, which I’m apparently a part of. Fake news! What’s the best place that you’ve visited? Spain! My husband, Rafael, is from Spain. What’s something that you learned in life only when you got older? That I wasn’t ugly when I was younger. Who would you like to be for a day? Albert Einstein, or another scientist like him, because I’d like to know what it feels like to have a brain that works like that. Do you believe in an afterlife? Sometimes. But I do believe in ghosts, so I guess I do. Do you think that this is the most amoral time that’s ever existed? No—although it does feel pretty rotten sometimes. Who or what is the greatest love of your life? My husband. What talent would you most like to have? Speaking several foreign languages.

If you were a dictator with unlimited powers, what would you do first? Hard labor for intentional littering. Or perhaps the death penalty for it, depending on my mood. What did you learn from your parents? Don’t hold grudges. Who’s your favorite performer? I love watching Julie Halston do anything. Hilarious! And Amy Armstrong. And Varla Jean Merman… I have many favorite performers! What comic are you most influenced by? I don’t feel influenced by comics. What’s your best characteristic? My eyes. How do you enjoy spending your time? Sitting on the beach in Spain, followed by a big lunch, followed by the best thing ever… siesta! What celebrity do you have a crush on? The Rock—Dwayne Johnson. Who do you admire? Queens who show up on time and are prepared. If you could bring one person back from the dead, who would it be? My dad. Where would you go in a time machine? I’d go back and meet Jesus and tell him and his apostles to be very specific, because their words are going to get twisted and will cause me lots of damage.

What would your last meal be? Chicken parmigiana. What do you worry about? Everything. But mostly littering and its effects on our oceans. What are you afraid of? Sharks. If you were a musical instrument, what would you be? A trombone. Are you more like a sheep or a wolf? I’m bi. Who depends on you, and for what? My fans depend on me to be truthful. Who are you closest with? Rafael. What would your autobiography be called? Out, Loud and Exhausted. What’s on your bucket list? To learn Spanish. What’s your greatest regret in life? That I never learned Spanish. And that I didn’t have sex during college! What’s something secretive about you that people don’t know? That I hate goat cheese with a passion. Where can we see you? At the Sunshine Cathedral in Fort Lauderdale! Also, all my future dates are listed on my website.

August 13, 2018 MIKE JEKNAVORIAN Beyond 120 Seconds

PEPPERMINT & CAZWELL

July 9, 2018 MIKE JEKNAVORIAN National Interviews

DANIEL FRANZESE

Local boy Daniel Franzese returns to Fort Lauderdale to headline the Fort Lauderdale Pride Comedy Festival, but what does he miss that’s gone from South Florida?

When did you live in South Florida? From age 7 to 23. I lived in Sunrise until I was 17, and then I went to the Florida School of the Arts in Palatka. I went to New York when I was 20, and I booked two shows at the Broward Stage Door Theatre, and “boom,” I was back in Florida. What high school did you go to? Piper High, in Sunrise. When’s the last time that you’ve visited South Florida? I try to come back at least once every month or so. What do you miss about South Florida? Besides my niece, the beaches. We have beaches in L.A., but the water is freezing all the time. What South Florida venue do you miss that’s gone, and why? There was a short-lived gay bar called The Pier. It was so chic. You got in free if you pulled your boat up to the dock. Every weekend there we incredible acts there like Cyndi Lauper and Amber. It was awesome.

Where did you hang out in South Florida, and why? Everywhere I hung out is gone. The Edge, Sea Monster, The Saint, Coliseum, The Copa… Where do you live now? In downtown Los Angeles. Did you ever meet Derek Dzvirko, the character that you played in Bully? Not in real-life, but we talked online. Which cast or crew have you stayed in contact with from Bully? Kelli Garner and Leo Fitzpatrick. What did you think about the musical version of Mean Girls? I loved it. It was great to see and hear more about Damian’s life—so surreal. Where do you think that Eddie from Looking is in life right now? He’s still married to Augustin. He’s still at the center. Eddie was someone who found his home in Looking.

You went to the season finale of RuPaul’s Drag Race. Who’s your favorite queen from season 10. I was really hoping that Eureka would’ve won, but all the top four were so fierce. Who’s your favorite RuPaul queen of all-time, and why? My all-time favorite queen is Raven. She’s the whole package. What’s your favorite role? I loved playing Eddie. I got to say whatever I wanted to. What’s your dream role? I wanna play a dad. Which one of your old jobs least prepared you for what you do now? Working at Whole Foods. It turns out that I didn’t need to know the sku for organic bananas. If God were to take you tomorrow, how would you like to be remembered? As kind. What’s the weirdest question that a fan has asked? It’s weird when fans ask me out when I’m in a relationship. But I’m single now, so slide in those DMs.

What celebrity did you act like a “fan” around? Eddie Deezen, the guy who played Eugene in Grease. I couldn’t believe he was real. What’s the last thing that you looked at online? Art, because I’m shopping for some new pieces. What’s the best place that you’ve visited, and why? I love San Francisco so much. It’s beautiful, the people are so cool and creative, and the food was so good. What’s something that you learned in life only when you got older? That you can have second and even third acts in your friendships. What did you learn from your parents? To shut the fucking light off. What performer do you admire, and why? I have a strong hustle, but when I see people like Todrick Hall, I feel lazy. He works so hard. What’s your best characteristic? That I’m loyal and honest.

*Looking* is an American comedy-drama television series about a group of gay friends living in San Francisco. Own both the complete series and the movie for $29.18.

How do you enjoy spending your time? Watching cartoons stoned. What other celebrity do you have a crush on? I don’t reveal crushes because I don’t wanna get crushed. Who do you admire, and why? Tom Hanks. All these years and all these amazing movies, and zero scandals. And the same lady. I wish that I could be that cool. If you could bring one person back from the dead, who would it be, and why? Jesus, because we need Him. Where would you go in a time machine, and why? I would talk to myself right at the beginning of my career. I’d skip a few mistakes. What would your last meal be? I love charcuterie. Death by antipasto. What do you worry about? If I’m getting too old to have kids.

What are you afraid of? War. If you were a musical instrument, what would you be? That depends on who gets to play me. Are you more like a sheep or a wolf? A wolf. Who depends on you, and for what? I’m good at advice. My friends come to me often for it. Who are you closest with? My mama. What would your autobiography be called? It’s Not All Sunglasses and Autographs Kid. What music do you listen to when you’re upset? Nineties hip hop and 70s soul. What’s on your bucket list? I wanna explore the Galapagos. What’s your greatest regret in life? Partying when I should’ve studied audition lines. What’s something that you never told anyone else? Why would I tell you? Where can we see you? On my website. I’m currently on my YASS! You’re Amazing tour!

June 12, 2018January 20, 2019 MIKE JEKNAVORIAN Local Events

SHANIA TWAIN

Shania Twain gave a rousing performance in Fort Lauderdale on June 1 in her Shania Now Tour. But the tour name is apropos if this is her last foray on the road, as she’s threatened.

SHADE-O-METER RATING

5 OUTTA 5 WERKS: “10s ACROSS THE BOARD – LEGENDARY STATUS”

Who’s Shania Twain? She’s a cross-over country/pop star, who’s one of the best-selling female country artists—if not the best-selling female artist—of all time. She’s also one of the best-selling female music artists of all-time.

*Now*, the first studio album for Shania in nearly 15 years, releases on September 29th. The new album offered as both a 16-track deluxe and a 12-track standard album, both feature Shania s current single, “Life’s About To Get Good,” playing on country radio now. All songs on *Now* were written solely by Shania, who also served as co-producer on the project.

What’s the Shania Now Tour? It’s Twain’s fourth tour. Twain said on Good Morning America in 2015 that her next tour, which ended up being the Rock This Country Tour (her third tour), would be her last one. What is the BB&T Center? It’s an indoor sports an entertainment arena in Sunrise, Florida. It’s holds about 20,000 people.

How was the venue? It’s a nice venue. The staff is certainly more friendly at the BB&T than they are at, for example, the Au-Rene Theater at the Broward Center for the Performing Arts (one can encounter cranky ushers there). How was the parking? They have ample parking. The cost was included with the ticket.

Does the venue serve liquor? Yes. How were the drinks? A double whiskey was $19, and a double wine (which was really more like a triple) was $20. The drinks were fine. Does the venue serve food? Yes. How was the food? We didn’t get any.

How much were the tickets? $115. Where were the seats? On the first level and directly on the side. Was the show sold out? It was about three-fourth fill. Who was the opening act? Bastian Baker. How was the opening act? We didn’t see him during his solo set, but he did a duet with Twain during her set.

How was the show? It was apparent from the first moment that she was on the stage that there’s no one who’s more comfortable on the stage, or loves entertaining, more than Shania Twain. Although certainly not a novelty—but nevertheless, impactful—Twain opened the show by walking through the crowd, starting on the opposite end of the stage, before making her way to it. Twain then launched into a two-hour set, where she fluctuated through hits and lesser-known songs, which also featured an economy of performers, where they served different functions—sometime as an instrumentalist, sometimes as a dancer, and sometimes as a backup singer—in different numbers. Regarding the visual element, the show could have rivaled Cirque du Soleil in set changes, a proliferation of costumes, and theatrics. However, unlike some stars, where theatricality is strategically calculated to detract from the performer’s lack of aptitude, this was not the case with Twain—she’s the real deal. Twain also did a fair amount of chit chating, which, at times, bordered on rambling. In the hands of a less-skilled performer, it might have been irritating, but with Twain, it was actually endearing. Towards the end of the show, a la Cher in her last tour, Twain flew over the audience on a guitar case, but she actually one-upped Madam “Half-Breed” when she not only sung but accompanied herself on the guitar during the flight. Twain performed “Rock This Country” and the requisite “Man! I Feel Like a Woman” for her encore, before she was consumed by a snowstorm of confetti. And then, she was no more.

How was the crowd? Composed of more woman than men, and with a fair representation of the LGBT community. Strangely—and, I suppose, lazily—the crowd didn’t give as much as they took.

What could have improved the show? I would have said that the dancers should have done same-sex dancing, but there was no couple’s dancing of any sort, either gay or straight. The set design could have been a tad more varied.

What was surprising about the show? Although Twain was recently a guest judge on RuPaul’s Drag Race, and her image is certainly consistent as a LGBT ally, Twain still is a country star. And we all know that things are not as liberal in the country scene as they are in, for example, the world of pop music. Considering this, it was commendable that Twain subtly, but frequently, advocated the LBGT community with comments such as, “Things are getting better all the time,” “I love men” [with an obvious nod to gay men in the audience], and, the more flagrant, this song is “dedicated to guys who like men.”

The BB&T Center is located across the street from the Sawgrass Mills, at 1 Panther Pkwy., in Sunrise, Florida. The venue is only open when there’s an event.

April 25, 2018April 25, 2018 MIKE JEKNAVORIAN Local Events

TRIXIE MATTEL

Trixie Mattel played a sold-out show in Fort Lauderdale last Friday, where she entertained the audience with comedy and music

SHADE-O-METER RATING

4 OUTTA 5 WERKS: “SHE GAVE GOOD FACE – SHE SERVED IT”

Who’s Trixie Mattel? She’s a drag performer/musician who came in sixth-place on the seventh season of RuPaul’s Drag Race and who won the third season of RuPaul’s Drag Race All Stars. She also had her own TV show, The Trixie and Katya Show, which aired on Viceland. What’s the Amaturo Theater? It’s a 590-seat theater at the Broward Center for the Performing Arts. How was the venue? The venue is great, and there really isn’t a bad seat in the house. It really should be utilized more by entertainers, but it seems that many would rather play, for example, at a half-empty Parker Playhouse instead of here.

Trixie’s second album, featuring the single, “Moving Parts.”

How was the parking? There’s a garage across the street, or you can valet. Does the venue serve liquor? Yes. And child, those queens never laid off of it. It seemed like there was always a line for da liquor. A well drink and a glass of wine were both $9. How were the drinks? The well drink was strong enough. At least they’re served in real glasses, which is a nice touch, and not those tacky plastic cups. Does the venue serve food? They only have a few snacks. There’s no kitchen.

How much were the tickets? $41.08. Where were the seats? On the side. Unless you’re sitting right up in the front, the side seats actually seem better than the ones in the main section. Was the show sold out? Yes. Was there an opening act? If you can believe it, she actually had one. Brandon James Gwinn, who also doubles as her on-stage assistant, did a short musical set. How was it? Completely not needed. Gwinn performed from 8:10-8:30 p.m, and after that, the lights came on.

How was the show? Trixie came on the stage at 8:45 p.m. to thunderous applause and proceeded to launch into her comedy routine. Of which, the material itself was slightly better than Miss Mattel’s ability to deliver it. Maybe as a backlash against her self-professed burgeoning appeal to teenage girls, the show also contained a proliferation of raunchiness, such as, “I used to get black-out drunk, and one time my friends wrote ‘faggot’ on the inside of my stomach in cum,” and, “Oh, you can laugh at the molesting jokes, but not the STD jokes?” One of her better comedy lines cleverly utilized localism. When one of the jokes didn’t go over as expected, Trixie explained that it’s new material, “[but] I’m a white misfit from a mid-west town. If I wanted something to bomb, it would have been the local high school.” The show was also punctuated with some musical numbers, where there was a fair amount of audience recognition a la singalongs. In all, there was a 20-minute intermission, and the show ended at about 10:45.

How was the crowd? Mostly gay, but peppered with some straight couples and some “bridal party” looking ones. What could have improved the show? Ditch the opening act. If it ain’t a rock concert, and a rock concert this was not, then that foolishness ain’t needed. Regarding the songs, it’s a shame that Trixie’s vocal ability wasn’t better, because of the two, the comedy and the music, it was the music that stood out. The songs were all original compositions, and they were catchy. Maybe she’ll have a career as a songwriter at some point.

What was surprising about the show? The number of straight couples that were there. Who would of ever thunk that we’d live to see that day that “drag” would become so mainstream. It seems inevitable that one of these RuPaul girls will crossover into either Hollywood or pop music, but it’s anyone’s guess which one will do it first. If only Divine could have lived to see all this.

The Broward Center for the Performing Arts is located at 201 S.W. 5th Ave., in Fort Lauderdale, Florida.

April 22, 2018 MIKE JEKNAVORIAN National Interviews

TRIXIE MATTEL

Before her show tonight at Disney’s House of Blues, Trixie Mattel—in an exclusive interview from a secret bath house in Orlando—reveals what’s the best TV show that she’s been on, and it’s not what you think

Fort Lauderdale was the first stop of your Moving Parts tour. Did you have time to do anything fun when you were there? I went to a souvenir shop, and I got a shirt with upside down lettering that says, “If you can read this, put me back on my bar stool.” What’s something that you miss about Milwaukee? Three-dollar Long Island’s and hardcore mid-western accents. Everyone sounds equally nice and over it. Where do you live now? I’m a real-life jaded TV personality, so I live in L.A., near a Whole Foods. My hobbies include spotting pretend service dogs and juicing. If you had to live somewhere else, where would you live, and why? In San Francisco. I’m always looking for new ways to get gayer and surround myself with gays. Separate but equal is fine with me. What was the inspiration for the cover of One Stone? I wanted to serve awkward-recently-divorced-folk-duo performing at a VFW.

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Trixie’s latest album, featuring the single, “Moving Parts.”

What do you think about Dollywood? It’s my mecca. I have to go once a year or I lose my dental insurance. Who would your dream duet be with? I would like to play with Sarah Silverman. Which one of your old jobs least prepared you for what you do now? I used to caption telephone calls for the deaf. I am now more impatient with the elderly than ever. Who came up with the line “Book the Bitch” from the “About” section of your website? I never update my website, so you’d have to ask me four years ago. And me four years go didn’t have a phone. Of all your projects, which one do you cherish the most? I love The Trixie and Katya Show. Winning Drag Race was cool, but having our own show was a huge freeze-frame life moment. What’s the weirdest question that a fan has asked? People always tell me my journey with depression has inspired them—but I am fully not depressed.

What celebrity did you act like a “fan” around? Oh, I met Baby Spice, and my asshole sealed up forever. What’s the last thing that you looked at online? I have been following the Robbie Turner-Uber-driver-death-saga online. I will be holding a candlelit vigil this evening for the Uber driver. What’s the best place that you’ve visited so far? I am obsessed with Dallas. Fully obsessed. It’s like the L.A. of Texas. What’s your current state-of-mind? I’m sipping a wine cooler and wondering why Melissa Joan Hart follows me on Twitter. What were you doing before you read these questions? My friend’s dog died, and I was comforting him—wow, the nerve of you even asking! What’s your idea of perfect happiness? I want to tour half the year, and live as a hermit in the woods the other half. I also want to write music for other artists. Specifically, for Miley Cyrus.

What’s your greatest fear? My phone battery at 1%. Living or dead, who’s the greatest political figure in America? Maxine Waters. I once saw her use the word “scumbags” in an interview. What did you learn from your parents? That you can only run from your bills for so long. What performer do you admire, and why? I love June Carter Cash. Her songs are amazing, and so is her sense of humor. Who’s your favorite comic? I have a few. Ellen, Maria Bamford, Dana Gould and Anthony Jeselnik. What’s your best characteristic? I’m a great salesperson. I could sell candy to a kid—from a van. How do you enjoy spending your time? I love playing video games and playing around with my guitar collection. What celebrity do you have a crush on? I’m obsessed with Nev Schulman, Paul Rudd and Jesse Eisenburg. The Jew-chasing life chose me.

Who do you admire, and why? I love Dolly. She has the best songs, the best jokes, and the best wigs. If you could bring one person back from the dead, who would it be? Robbie Turner’s Uber driver. Where would you go in a time machine, and why? I would go back in time and warn Robbie Turner’s Uber driver. What would your last meal be? I would cheat on my vegetarianism and have like ten cheeseburgers from McDonalds, complete with happy meal toys! What do you worry about? I worry about falling out of the zeitgeist and having to clean dwarf hamster cages at Petco. They bite when they don’t trust you. What are you afraid of? I do not fuck with gorillas. I won’t even go to Rainforest Cafe. If you were a musical instrument, what would you be, and why? I would be spoons, because they’re cheap, practical and timeless.

Are you more like a sheep or a wolf? I’m a disgusting, mangled wolf from hell. Who depends on you, and for what? The children of America count on me for relatable content and apparently depression counseling (laughs). Who are you closest with? I am forever in love with Jinkx and Bob The Drag Queen! What would your autobiography be called? I Know Why The Caged Bird Lip Syncs. What music do you listen to when you’re upset? I love sad music. Jason Isbell! What’s on your bucket list? I need to buy a house in a Palm Springs and wear caftans all day. What’s your greatest regret in life? I wish that I didn’t leave the Spice Girls. What’s something that you never told anyone else? That I go out to gay bars in masks so that I can be invisible. Where can we see you? In a 39 U.S. cities tour all spring and summer!

December 10, 2017November 25, 2021 MIKE JEKNAVORIAN Local Events

BAREBACK FOLLIES

The old school met the new this Thursday, in Suzanne Bartsch’s Art Basal edition of the Bareback Follies

SHADE-O-METER RATING

4 OUTTA 5 WERKS: “SHE GAVE GOOD FACE – SHE SERVED IT”

What’s Bareback Follies? It’s a burlesque/drag show at El Tucan. It’s hosted by long-time New York club promoter Suzanne Bartsch. What’s El Tucan? It’s a cabaret/nightclub in downtown Miami. Specifically, it’s in the Brickell area. The venue offers a dinner and a show.

How was the venue? It’s beautiful and classy. It’s also the perfect size (for you size queens). How was the parking? There’s a parking lot right around the corner. It costs $10 to park in it. The venue has valet as well. Does the venue serve liquor? Of course.

How were the drinks? Now, here’s where things went wrong. If you’re going to advertise “luxe libations,” then you better have bartenders that know what a sidecar is. Methinks The Fine Art of Mixing Cocktails would be mandatory reading for their bartenders. Other than this faux pas, the drinks were well-made. However, even for Miami, they’re a bit pricey. Wine was $17, and a Manhattan was $15. Girls, this ain’t the Four Seasons.

Does the venue serve food? Yes. However, we didn’t do the dinner and show—just the show. The regular prix-fixe is $55, and the seasonal one is $85. How much were the tickets? $25. Was the show sold out? No. How was the crowd? At times, in competition with the performers for the spotlight.

How was the show? The inheritors of Warhol’s “Silver” Factor crowd, and a group that could be considered one of the earliest media whores, the club kids of the 1980s and early 1990s would even rival today’s most Instagram-obsessed individuals for attention. The show featured some notable figures from that era, some modern burlesque acts, and some performers from RuPaul’s Drag Race. Standout numbers were Shequida singing “Whatever Lola Wants” (re-done as “Whatever Shequida Wants”), where she fluctuated between a baritone voice and a contralto, Brent Ray Fraser painting with his penis, Amanda Lepore (billed as “having a body that costs a million dollars”), and Adora, who cleverly channeled the history of the area with an exaggerated “cha-cha” number.

What could have improved the show? Although all of the performances were professional and adept, some of them didn’t necessarily stand out. To quote “Mama Ru,” some of them should probably be “up for elimination” in order to elevate the bar.

What could have improved the venue? Um, the AC wasn’t really working. It must have been 1,000 degrees in there. If you’re going to have a dress code, and you want people to come in “cocktail attire” or “formal wear,” please appropriately chill the customers (or change the dress code to clothing-optional).

What was surprising about the show? That it left you wanting more. Each performer only did one number, so they gave you their best.

El Tucan is located at 1111 Southwest 1^st Ave., in Miami, Florida. It open Thursday, Friday and Saturday.

November 12, 2017April 1, 2018 MIKE JEKNAVORIAN Local Events

GRINDR: THE OPERA

SHADE-O-METER RATING

3 OUTTA 5 WERKS: “NO SHADE, BUT SHE DIDN’T TURN IT OUT”

What’s GRINDR: The Opera? It’s a pop opera. The music, libretto and lyrics are by Erik Ransom. What’s Empire Stage? It’s a lovely little theater in an industrial section of Wilton Manors. Specifically, it’s down the street from the all-male strip club, Le Boy. How many people does the venue hold? About 50. How was the parking? They have parking behind the venue and on the street. Both are free. Does the venue serve liquor? No imbibements are offered. Does the venue serve food? Nope. How much were the tickets? $35. Was the show sold out? Yes. How was the crowd? All queens. I don’t think I saw one female in the house.

How was the music? To quote Hamlet, “The play’s the thing.” That too can be said of a musical—the music’s “the thing.” Considering this, it’s highly unlikely that one would leave the theater remembering one song that was heard. I certainly didn’t. The only song that I remembered was the last one, “What a Tangled Web We Weave,” and that was only because of the title. The mostly-derivative pop rock-ish score consisted of whiffs of lesser numbers from Hamilton, Rent, Next to Normal, Dear Even Hanson and Depeche Mode, and then filtered through the prism of the cult film Phantom of the Paradise. Of note, the show is performed to a track.

GRAMMY WINNING BEST SELLER

How was the story? The story consists of a rather conventional conceit of four male Grindr uses who’s lives inevitably intersect. One could view this aspect of the story as a metaphor for the medical opinion that when you sleep with someone, you’re also sleeping with everyone else that they’ve ever slept with. GRINDR: The Opera is a story of boy-meets-boy, boy then cheats-on-boy. To make matters worse, the “Jezebel” character who sleeps with the one boy—sobriqueted on Grindr as “powerbottom18”—has a father that’s a closet-cased city councilman. Surveying all these festivities was the “spirt” of Grindr, or “mother” Grindr herself—a drag queen. How were the lyrics? With lyrics such as “I want to be seeded,” “I’ll be your cum dumpster,” “Split me down the middle like the Berlin Wall,” and “Fuck me until I’m bleeding,” this show definitely ain’t for the kiddies. Parents and expecting mothers, take note.

How was the set design and staging? This was fine. If anything, this was one of the better aspects of the show. The staging used the limited space and resources to maximum effect, with actors shifting around sets and props to indicate transitions. The infamous Grindr logo loomed front and center, with Sauron-like glowing eyes that surveyed the character’s antics. How was the costume design? Appropriate, for the most part, yet not always. For example, a glaring example of an incorrect design was the costume for the councilman character. The character was dressed in an ill-fitted suit, with no tie or socks on, and with the shirt collar worn over the jacket’s collar. Not only is this 1990s-inspired look inappropriate for a contemporary show, but it’s highly unlikely that an uptight closet case politician would be caught dead in such a disheveled getup.

What could have improved the show? The music is what it is, and it’s up to the composer to write better songs. However, of particular irritation was this “mother” Grindr character, which, according to the website, is described as a “mythical” siren. Even those with only a passing knowledge of Greek mythology will recognize the symbolic similarities between the Grindr icon and the permanently erect and ready satyr. One can only imagine why mother “Drag Race” Grindr wasn’t reconceived as some kind of devil-faced enticing “daddy” Grindr instead. What was surprising about the show? According to the creator of Grindr, the app is named after coffee grinds, as in, “grinding” people together like they were coffee grounds. In that venture, the musical appeared to succeed.

GRINDR: The Opera plays through November 19 at Empire Stage. Empire Stage is located at 1140 North Flagler Drive, in Fort Lauderdale, Florida.