MIKE JEKNAVORIAN National Interviews

BRUCE VILANCH

Despite a dramatic range that’s greater than Meryl Streep’s, which Hollywood star would Bruce Vilanch give it all up for to be their trophy “wife”?

By Mike Jeknavorian

Where do you live?  I live in L.A., and I’ve lived there for so long that the statute of limitations in New Jersey have run out.  What’s special about L.A.?  People move here for the dream—money, fame, sex.  I’m deeply shallow; I fit right in.  What L.A. venue do you miss that’s gone?  Back alleys.  Now they’ve got an app for that.  If you had to live somewhere else, where would you live?  If I had to…?  Like, why…?  The earth swallowed up Southern California…?  That’s gonna happen anyway, and I’ll probably get swallowed with it.  I hate you; where’s my Xanax?  Is this your first time performing in South Florida?  No, but it’s the first time in Boca and Aventura, so, in a sense, it’s like doing a pilgrimage to the Holy Land.  Will you have time to do something fun when you’re here?  Yes, but I can’t mention it specifically, or I’ll get taken to court by Rose McGowan.  You can’t be too careful these days.  How would you describe yourself?  A writer/actor/comedian/stripper.  You name it, you book it, you got it.

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Which celebrity project was the most special to you?  I’d be a fool if I did’t lead with Bette—we have a long and colorful collaboration.  But writing 23 Oscar shows, and being a Hollywood “square” for six years, and being a woman in Hairspray on Broadway and the road, were all pretty special.  There have also been a lot of fundraisers that helped a lot of people.  What’s the strangest thing that’s ever happened to you on stage?  In Hairspray, my first week on Broadway, my skirt slipped below my dainty waist and pooled on the floor around me.  So I was up there wearing the full top, an off-white girdle, and the fat suit.  The audience didn’t know if it was part of the show or not, until I said, “Now you know why I spent six years sitting in a square.” Other than yourself, who’s one of the best comedy writers?  The people that I’ve collaborated with the most, Jon Macks and Dave Boone, who write just about every special event on television.  But there are lots of fantastic writers out there that I haven’t worked with. 

What comic do you admire?  George Carlin was my all-time favorite.  Eddie Izzard is pretty spectacular.  And Lily Tomlin is a genius. Who’s your favorite RuPaul queen?  Bianca! She rules when she’s onstage.  She’s genuinely funny and fierce.  What’s your dream gig?  Mrs. Jake Gyllenhaal.  Oh, professionally…?  I have immense range, so I’d like to do the Meryl Streep story.  Other than your Oscars gig, what’s your dream writing gig?  It would be wonderful to lie on a fainting couch like Marcel Proust and just churn it out.  What’s your favorite play or musical?  How to Succeed is pretty perfect, and South Pacific has the most glorious score and a real emotional tug.  All those people thrown together on an island trying not to lose it.  Oh, wait.  That’s Survivor.  Which award is the most special to you?  The Nobel Peace prize.  Think I have a shot?  Which Advocate article is the most special to you?  Now you’re forcing me to remember opinions that I came up with 20 years ago.  I don’t remember how I felt about the brisket at Rosh Hashanah.

Which one of your old jobs least prepared you for what you do now?  Everything taught me something.  I just wish that I had retained what it was.  If God were to take you tomorrow, how would you like to be remembered?  As a beautiful, thin person.  But you get what you pay for.  Will you ever retire?  But then you have to move to Boca, by law.  No, writers never stop.  Herman Wouk is still at a desk every day.  What’s the weirdest question that a fan’s asked you?  “May I see your feet?”  What other celebrity did you act like a “fan” around?  I’ve been at it since I was a kid, so I kept meeting celebrities in a professional capacity.  However, Sidney Poitier did make me talk in tongues.  He’s so gracious and elegant, and, well, he’s a historical figure, not an audio-animatronic.  Who would play you in a movie?  James Franco said he wanted to, but I told him that he’d smother under the fat suit. What do you want to live long enough to see?  Something orange leaving the building.  What are you superstitious about?  The hell with that.  I go full-bore OCD.

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Do you believe in aliens?  I think that if they were as great as they’re cracked up to be, they’d have conquered us by now.  Unless they dropped by, took a whiff, and put the mothership in reverse.  What’s the gayest concert that you ever went to?  Judy Garland in Columbus, Ohio, in 1967.  I was a college student and came home with a notebook full of numbers from kindly, older gentlemen.  What’s the most times that you read a book?  I have re-read Patrick Dennis so many times, even my dog says the books are dog-eared.  His big hit was Auntie Mame, but he was a brilliant social satirist who wrote a dozen wonderful novels.  What’s the last thing that you looked at online?  Has anyone ever answered that question honestly?  What’s the best place that you’ve visited?  Israel, when I was a teenager, before it was controversial even to Jews.  What’s something that you learned in life only when you got older?  It is what it is.  What did you learn from your parents?  To pay cash.  What’s your best characteristic?  That I insist on having a good time.  How do you enjoy spending your time?  Answering questions, evidently. What celebrity do you have a crush on?  I don’t believe that’s legal anymore.

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Who do you admire?  Paul Newman.  He turned his fame into a perpetual revenue-stream for good.  If you could bring one person back from the dead, who would it be?  Cleopatra, so people would finally stop claiming they used to be her.  Where would you go in a time machine?  To someplace where I could still take my meds.  What would your last meal be?  Pasta, pasta, pasta.  What do you worry about?  “Did anyone smell that?”  What are you afraid of?  Spiders dressed as clowns.  If you were a musical instrument, what would you be?  Something that has to be blown.  Are you more like a sheep or a wolf?  I’m like a sheep eating a wolf.  Who depends on you, and for what?  A black pug, for everything.  Who are you closest with?  See above.  What would your autobiography be called?  I’m struggling with the title now, which might wind up being the title.  What music do you listen to when you’re upset?  Schving!  What’s on your bucket list?  To kick it.  What’s your greatest regret in life?  That I keep postponing things.  Like this answer.  What’s something that you never told anyone else?  Life is a cabaret, old chum.  Where can we see you?  If you miss the Boca show, and you know your way around, i’ll be in Aventura at the Arts & Cultural Center the next night.  C’mon down!

 

MIKE JEKNAVORIAN Local Events

THE DIRTY GAME SHOW

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By Mike Jeknavorian 

Rumors hosted Renica J. Justrenica’s The Dirty Game Show last Saturday.  The game show, a sort of bawdy twist on The Price Is Right, featured an oscillating potpori of both raunchy and tongue-in-cheek questions.  Many audience members in the bar played along with the show, with “guess the song” questions getting the most enthusiastic response.  The show started at 9:00 p.m., and it lasted about two hours.  The DJ was Joshua Atom.

 

MIKE JEKNAVORIAN Travel

THE GRAND CANYON

By Mike Jeknavorian

What’s The Grand Canyon?  It’s a giant canyon in northern Arizona.  And if it’s not the biggest canyon in the world, it’s certainly close to it.  The canyon was carved about five million years ago by the Colorado River.  Where is it?  It’s only in Arizona.  I must confess that I initially thought that parts of it bordered Colorado.  Not true.  It’s all in Arizona.  How do you get there?  The closest major airport to the southern rim of the canyon is Phoenix International, in Phoenix.  I had a direct flight from Fort Lauderdale to Phoenix.  The drive from Phoenix to the Grand Canyon is about 220 miles.

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Where can you stay?  The closest towns to the Grand Canyon National Park are Williams, Arizona (which is where we stayed), and Tusayan, Arizona.  Williams is known as “The Gateway to the Grand Canyon,” and they have a train that brings you to the Grand Canyon.  However, she ain’t cheap, and it only leaves once day.  Tusayan is the last town before you enter the Grand Canyon, and they’re many affordable hotels there.  The park itself also has several lodges and campgrounds.  The crown glory of the lodges is, of course, the fabulous El Tovar Hotel, which should not be missed.

How was the Grand Canyon?  I initially pictured some Thelma & Louise (which was filmed on the northern rim) open hole in the ground, and not much more than that.  It’s nothing like that.  When people say the Grand Canyon, they mean the southern rim, and, specifically, they mean the Grand Canyon Village.  The Grand Canyon Village, which is within the Grand Canyon National Park, contains many historic buildings and lodges, all set in deference to the canyon itself.  And some of the building and shops are literally teetering right on the edge of the canyon, where they’ve stood like that for decades.  Furthermore, there is heavy theming going on in the village.  The architecture style of buildings at some of the western and midwestern national parks is colloquially called, “parkitecture,” which is an architectural style that’s meant to both harmonize and utilize the surrounding landscape.  The Grand Canyon Village certainly has no shortage of building done in this style; many of them date to the early 1900s.  Concerning the village, there are free shuttles that bring you from one building to the next (or you can walk or bike the trails to get to different areas).

How many days do you need to see everything?  At least two.  There are so many buildings to see, that it’s too much to cram it all into one day.  The main village takes about an entire day to see.  There is also a smaller eastern section that takes about a half an hour to drive to.  This area has an indigenous museum and a popular observation tower.  On the second day, you can see this eastern area, and then maybe walk on trails for a couple of hours, either in the eastern area, or back at the main part of the village.

What can you do there?  You can visit the Grand Canyon Village, walk the trails, or take a helicopter to the bottom of the canyon.  If you want to walk to the bottom of the canyon, you must, one, enjoy heights, and, two, allow two days to do it.  It takes one day to walk down it, and then you have to camp at the bottom of it.  You would walk back up the next day.  If you want to raft the Colorado River, that’s a whole other thing, which requires several days to do it.  As far as the canyon goes, don’t miss the view from the Yavapai Geological Museum.  A group of scientists selected this site in the 1920s as the most spectacular view of it.  How’s the gay scene?  There really isn’t any to speak of.  You’ll have to turn on your Grindr or Tinder accounts.

What was surprising about it?  Several things.  One, we saw a male elk, and if you’ve never seen one of them, they’re like the size of an elephant (actually, an adult male is about 700 lbs.).  Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to get a picture of it.  Two, I wasn’t aware that much of the canyon in the southern rim is buffered by trees.  I wasn’t expecting to see trees, and then this monstrous canyon beyond them.  And finally, there’s a lot a smoking that goes on in the area.  There’s a large European population that visits the canyon, much larger than I’ve seen anywhere else in the U.S. (including Disney and Vegas), and you know how they are with the cigarettes.

Is it worth visiting again?  Omg, yes.  The first view of the canyon is difficult to describe, in that it was everything that I thought it would be, but nothing like it.  Once you get over the initial shock of it, the majesty of the canyon never dulls.  You could stare at it for hours.  You also have a weird sensation of looking down from an airplane (the highest straight-down drop is 3,000 feet) when you’re looking at it, but your feet are on the ground.  It’s really something that everyone should see at least once in their lifetime.

MIKE JEKNAVORIAN Local Events

LA CAGE AUX FOLLES

SHADE-O-METER RATING

4 OUTTA 5 WERKS: “SHE GAVE GOOD FACE – SHE SERVED IT”

By Mike Jeknavorian

What’s La Cage aux Folles?  It’s a musical from 1983, which is based on a French play of the same name.  Harvey Fierstein wrote the book, and Jerry Herman wrote the music and lyrics.  The show is a farcical comedy about a gay couple’s son that’s marrying into a conservative family.  The original cast starred Gene Barry and George Hearn as the couple.  The play was also turned into the American film, The Birdcage.

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What’s the Lauderhill Performing Arts Center (LPAC)?  It’s a new-ish theater in Lauderhill, Florida.  The theater holds over 1,100 people, and it opened in 2016.  It has two levels.  Also, the orchestra pit, which was at the front of the stage, was the biggest one that I’ve ever seen, ready to gobble up a performer—who took one wrong step—like some kind of theatrical version of The Mighty Sarlacc.

How was the venue?  The theater is nice enough, but, given its size, it’s more suited to big road shows or for big stars.  The lobby is probably its most impressive feature.  How was the parking?  Weird.  You’re directed to meander all around the back of the venue, just to get to a parking lot that’s directly to the right of the venue.  Why can’t you just turn right and drive into the parking lot?  In any case, parking is free.

Does the venue serve liquor?  Only wine.  How were the drinks?  Fine, I supposed.  One glass of wine, which was served in a plastic cup, was $7.  Does the venue serve food?  Only finger food and candy.  Strangely, they have someone peddling popcorn.  How was the food?  We didn’t get any.  How much were the tickets?  $48 each.  Where were the seats?  They were in the orchestra.  And any seat offers a good view.  I can’t comment on the view from the mezzanine.  Was the show sold out?  Not even close.

How was the show?  Regarding the book, it’s not quite as strong or as clever with the situational comedy as the original French film is (I never saw the play, so I don’t know about that).  This is the first production that the Stage Door Theater, the longstanding theater company in Broward County, has had at their new residence, the LPAC.  There are issues that have to be worked out with the audio, as the sound was cutting in and out at times.  There were also some problems with the costumes.  Some didn’t necessarily look of sufficient quality to be worn in the “hottest drag club on the Riviera,” and there was one number where the back of Zaza’s dress was either ripped or it wasn’t zipped up.  In addition, strangely, some of the Les Cagelles dances—which are supposed to be drag performers—appeared to be biological women.  But despite these minor complaints, the show was excellent.  The production shinned in the numbers that featured the leads, Larry Buzzeo as Albin/Zaza and Jamie Michael Parnell as Georges, with appropriate humor and chemistry between them.  What singing expertise Buzzeo may have lacked in some numbers, he made up for in the famous, “I Am What I Am.”  And although Parnell might have looked too young to play Georges, rarely will one hear a voice of this caliber outside of the walls of a first-rate Broadway show.  His numbers were hands-down the most enthusiastically received of the evening.  Elijah Word cleverly channeled the edginess of the leads from the hit TV show, Pose, with his characterization of the couple’s longsuffering butler/maid, Jacob.  Regarding the ensemble, they gleamed the brightest in “La Cage aux Folles,” with wild can-can-type dancing.

How was the crowd?  They appeared to consist primarily of season pass holders, and, not to be ageist, they were rather on the elderly side.  The company could probably stand to market to a younger demographic to even out the crowd.  What could have improved the show?  The audio needs to be fixed, and more attention needs to be paid to the costumes.  Regarding the venue, to each his own, but, to me, much of the production’s energy is gobbled up by the vastness of the house.  Maybe the runs should be shorter, in hopes that the theater would be fuller?  It’s a shame that they didn’t build another house that held about 400.

What was surprising about the show?  The quality of Parnell’s voice, the size of the cast (over 20), and the number of people in the live band (seven).

The Lauderhill Performing Arts Center is located at 3800 NW 11thPlace, in Lauderhill, Florida.  The production runs to September 23.

MIKE JEKNAVORIAN Local Events

THE BITCH IS BACK!: JOE POSA AS JOAN RIVERS

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By Mike Jeknavorian

Joe Posa performed his one-man show, The Bitch Is Back!: Joe Posa as Joan Rivers, to a packed house at The Grille On The Drive this past Friday.  And although most people are aware that there’s no shortage of Joan Rivers impersonators, none of the other performers are likely as proficient at imitating Rivers as Posa was.  Through his own blend of alchemy, Posa captured Rivers—even down to her posture—to the point where there were moments that one forgot that they were seeing an impersonation and not the real deal.  Nevertheless, impersonations are one thing; it’s another to be able to think in someone else’s persona.  Mr. Posa successfully accomplished both.  No doubt, the astute observer realized that they were witnessing two things at once in Posa’s performance: an impersonation, and a layer beneath, a skilled improv comic at work.  If you missed Posa’s show, you can check him out at the Rrazz Room in Boca Raton on December 14.  The show should be listed shortly.  Manny Estralla accompanied himself nicely on the piano after Posa’s show.

 

MIKE JEKNAVORIAN National Interviews

DAVID MIXNER

An unparalleled record of activism against injustice for over 50 years.  Check.  Was once called the most powerful gay man in the country by Newsweek.  Check.  Best selling author and acclaimed playwright.  Check.  Quizzed about Bill Clinton during sex.  Check.  Introducing David Mixner, an American original.   

PHOTOGRAPH BY NIGEL BARKER

By Mike Jeknavorian

Where did you grow up?  On a farm outside a small, southern New Jersey town called Elmer, which had about 1,000 folks.  What do you miss about it there?  The outdoors, the animals, the wildlife, the lightening bugs, and the folks.  Where do you live now?  In the theater district in NYC, about a half block from Times Square.  What drives you crazy about Time Square?  Nothing.  I absolutely love the wild and unpredictable nature of it.  I love people-watching.  Although New York may have changed, what’s still special about Manhattan?  Hands-down, the diversity of people, ideas, entertainment and politics.  It’s 24/7 and a place that never sleeps—there’s a place and a role for everyone in Manhattan.  I’m also an architecture nut, so I revel in the buildings, public spaces, and design of this unique and wonderful place on earth.  What New York venue do you miss that that’s gone?  The destruction of New York Penn Station and replacing it with this Soviet-style brutalist architecture called, “Madison Square Garden.”  It was one of the most obscene moments. 

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In this stirring personal history, one of America’s most influential gay rights advocates recounts his extraordinary career as a policy maker and adviser to the major political leaders of our time, and his own often anguishing, ultimately triumphant life as a gay man.

Of all the places that you’ve lived, what was the best one?  Guess I would have a tie.  One was the time on a houseboat in Amsterdam writing a screenplay while my lover was painting art.  It was magical. The other would be living in Turkey Hollow in the Catskills, recreating a “Walden Pond” moment with the abundance of wildlife.  I became a first-rate animal whisperer with the deer, bears, wild turkeys, and other wildlife.  Which one of your old jobs least prepared you for what you do now?  Being a janitor cleaning food halls at Arizona State University.  I hated it.  If God were to take you tomorrow, how would you like to be remembered?  That, without fail, I served others my entire life.  What do you want to live long enough to see?  Beto O’Rourke in the White House.  Will you ever retire?  When I can’t contribute to making the world a better place through my activism, performances and writing, then it’s time for me to go. 

PHOTOGRAPH BY NIGEL BARKER

Of all your awards and accomplishments, which one do you cherish the most?  Living my values and principle even when they made me very unpopular and I was attacked for them by many people who I loved and respected.  Also, any awards that may come out of my writing or performances would be very satisfying in my later years.  What’s the weirdest question that a fan has asked you?  I was having sex one time, and a guy looked up at me and asked, “What is Bill Clinton like as a person?”  I must say that it killed not only the moment, but the entire evening.  What celebrity did you act like a “fan” around?  Oh God, I have a horrible man-crush on Prime Minister Justin Trudeau.  If I ever met him, I think he’d have to take a restraining order out on me the next day!  He’s the person at this stage of my life that I’d most like to meet.  What’s the last thing that you looked at online?  Beto O’Rourke’s video on “Taking A Knee.”  I’ve looked at it over and over. It’s simply extraordinary.  What’s the best place that you’ve visited?  Singita Castleton in South Africa. 

PHOTOGRAPH BY NIGEL BARKER

What was the most unjust war that America was ever involved with?  Oh God, there were so damn many, but just for kicks, the war on Native Americans, The Spanish-American War, World War I, the Vietnam War, the Iraq War, and all those covert operations by the CIA in places like Guatemala, Chile, the Congo, and Indonesia—those operations led to the death and torture of millions.  Who’s the most important political figure since WW II?  President John F. Kennedy, who in such a short time moved us from being totally a cold war nation to the light of helping other nations, to transitioning into civil rights, and to inspiring in so many of us that we should work for something greater than our selves.  What’s your guilty pleasure?  Judge Judy and TV crime shows.  What’s your favorite band?  Bruce Springsteen & The E Street Band.  What’s your fondest childhood memory?  Swimming naked in the irrigation ponds in the countryside with my buddies.  What were you like in high school?  Oh God, I think they must have looked at me as a goofball, and not quite sure what to do with me, but I really liked high school and had tons of fun at it.

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Bestselling author and renowned presidential campaign adviser (Bill Clinton, Dick Gephardt, Jerry Brown, Gary Hart) David Mixner returns with his first book in 10 years. In At Home with Myself, Mixner writes from and about his country home in Turkey Hollow, an upstate New York town so small and remote that it has just 10 residents.

Do you think that entertainment awards should be genderless?  Yes, I do.  Acting is acting and has no gender.  What’s something that you learned in life only when you got older?  Two things: how to cope with loneliness, and to never stop laughing and being outrageous.  What did you learn from your parents?  To help thy neighbor.  Who’s your favorite performer?  Judith Light.  What’s your best characteristic?  That I’m spectacular and a loyal friend.  How do you enjoy spending your time?  Having kinky sex.  What celebrity do you have a crush on?  Ed Harris.  Who do you admire?  President and Mrs. Obama.  If you could bring one person back from the dead, who would it be?  My sister, Patsy.  Where would you go in a time machine?  I’d go along with Lewis and Clark. I’d also go to the roaring 20’s and hang around with Hemmingway, Josephine Baker, Picasso, Gertrude Stein, and so on.  What would your last meal be?  Ice cream, pizza and coconut cake.  What do you worry about?  Where am I going to get the next month’s rent?  What are you afraid of?  Earthquakes. 

If you were a musical instrument, what would you be?  The sax.  It’s so fucking sexy.  Are you more like a sheep or a wolf?  A lamb.  Who depends on you, and for what?  My cats, for love and food.  Who are you closest with?  My small circle of friends, who I love and adore.  What music do you listen to when you’re upset?  The blues and country.  What’s on your bucket list?  Seeing the northern lights, taking a first-class rail trip with a hot man, having a nudist weekend with friends somewhere, and getting rid of Trump.  What’s your greatest regret in life?  Not coming out of the closet sooner and allowing more intimacy into my life earlier.  What’s the great tragedy of your life?  The AIDS epidemic.  What’s something that you never told anyone else?  It shall remain a secret.  Nice try!  Where can we see you?  On Twitter, Instagram and my Facebook page.  Also, I’m single and can be arranged to be seen any weekend night.