February 23, 2020June 29, 2020 MIKE JEKNAVORIAN Local Interviews

PETER BISUITO

What other comic can be found in a “traditional” sitcom and on Xtube? Ladies and gentlemen, meet Peter Biscuito.

Where did you grow up? In Webster, New York. What do you miss about it there? My friends and family. Well, “certain” friends and family. How long have you lived in South Florida? For four years. Why did you move here? I was living in Buffalo, New York, and I got tired of the cold winters. What part of South Florida do you live in? In the best part—Fort Lauderdale. What do you like most about living here? The social life. Where do you hang out in South Florida? On my couch. Do you consider yourself more a performer or a producer/writer? Bitch, please. I do it all—perform, produce, write, direct, dictate, manage, control and manipulate… You name it. Which one of your old jobs least prepared you for what you do now? Least prepared me…? Um, I worked at a bowling alley once. Nothing that I do now involves bowling or wearing ugly shoes.

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If you’d like to donate to Season 1 of Vent and Chester, you can go to PayPal.com and make a donation to Peter’s account at MyBigFunnyPeter@yahoo.com.

Other than Vent and Chester, of all of your projects in front of the camera, which one was the most special so far? I performed a sold-out show at the Broward Center in December 2016. It was the most successful show of my life, and it convinced me that I can be just as famous as anybody else that’s performed there. Of all your projects behind the camera, which one do you cherish the most? I used to own a wedding videography business for many years. My wedding videos were kick-ass! What’s the weirdest thing that ever happened to you on stage? I performed at a gay nudist camp in the Pocono Mountains. Although I didn’t perform nude, I did get naked for the last three minutes of the show. That felt pretty weird being naked in front of 700 gay men. However, I did make a lot of friends (laughs). Who would you kill to perform with or work with? Well, I wouldn’t kill anybody, but I’d love to work with Madonna or Bette Midler. What other comic inspired you the most? Kathleen Madigan. She was the one who truly inspired me to pursue comedy. Will you ever retire? I don’t think I would completely retire, but when I could afford it, I would only work a fraction of the time. Perhaps on a fun project here and there…

What’s the weirdest question that a fan’s asked you? I have fans…? When did this happen? What other celebrity did you act like a “fan” around? I met Lou Ferrigno once in 2001. I was a huge fan of his growing up. Don’t worry, I never told him that I used to masturbate to his photos. What’s the last thing that you watched on TV? Tom Hanks’ documentary series on Netflix about the 1970s. Wow, Richard Nixon was quite the douche bag. What’s the craziest thing that you ever did? Crazy…? I wish I did crazy things. I’m the most straight-forward guy you’ll ever meet. I have a perfect driving record since 1986. I don’t even have a cavity in my mouth, for god’s sake. I did walk my dog and didn’t clean up his shit once. What’s your favorite book? The bible. It’s perfect to prop up a couch. What’s the best concert that you ever went to? Bugs Bunny in concert at the Hollywood Bowl in Los Angeles in 1999. Do you still have your childhood blanket or stuffed animal? No. They both got too crusty, so my mom threw them away. What’s the last thing that you looked at online? The promo video for Vent and Chester.

What’s the best place that you’ve ever visited? Amsterdam! I love that place. If God were to take you tomorrow, how would you like to be remembered? My goal is for millions to say, “Peter made me smile.” What do you want to live long enough to see? The ability to fly. What’s something that you learned in life only when you got older? The sciatica really does hurt. What did you learn from your parents? How to laugh at myself. Who’s your favorite performer? Me!! What’s your best characteristic? My heart. How do you enjoy spending your time? I love going to the movies with a big bucket of popcorn and soda. What celebrity do you have crush on? Mariah Carey. Who do you admire? Anybody with a good sense of humor. If you could bring one person back from the dead, who would it be? Wow, that’s a tough one. I miss my grandmother like crazy. I never met my grandfather. He died before I was born, so he’d be kind of cool to meet. However, I think that I’d bring back my sister. She was only 35 when she died and still had a whole life ahead of her.

Where would you go in a time machine? I’d go to one day prior to hearing the winning lottery numbers. How do you take your coffee or tea? Up the ass. What would your last meal be? Angel hair pasta. What do you worry about? E-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g! What are you afraid of? Stupid people. If you were a musical instrument, what would you be? A skin flute. Are you more like a sheep or a wolf? A sheep every day, but a wolf in bed. Who depends on you, and for what? My dog depends on me for love, affection and food. Who are you closest with? My mom. What would your autobiography be called? I don’t wanna ruin the surprise. What’s on your bucket list? A world tour. What’s your greatest regret in life? Not starting comedy sooner in life. What’s something secretive about you that people don’t know? That I never pee standing up. I always sit down. Where can we see you? On Xtube or at my website.

November 21, 2018November 21, 2018 MIKE JEKNAVORIAN National Interviews

GARETT HAWE

Hi-diddle-dee-dee, an actor’s life for me. Out actor Garett Hawe discusses one of the mostly anticipated tours of the season, Hello, Dolly!, and life in the theater.

You’ve been in a number of shows. Other than Hello, Dolly!, what was your favorite one so far? I’m so lucky to have been a part of so many wonderful shows, and they all stand out for different reasons. If I had to pick one, I would say Mary Poppins, because it was my Broadway debut. That show was just so magical, and the experience of performing on Broadway for the first time is something that I will never forget!

So what’s your favorite theater score? These questions are getting tougher. There are so many great scores! The Sound of Music stands out for me. I remember watching the movie as a kid and just being completely obsessed with it. It’s definitely the reason I started doing theater. When I listen to it still, it takes me right back to my childhood. Carousel and West Side Story are close behind. I’m a sucker for the classics.

Do you have a dream role? Again, there are so many! I’d love to play Bert in Mary Poppins or the Baker in Into the Woods. Did you see the recent revival of Hello, Dolly! on Broadway? I did! What did you think of it? I was blown away by it. I saw both Bette Midler and Bernadette Peters, and I thought that they were just so extraordinary. The costumes, the scenery, the dancing… it’s all so lush. It’s everything you want in a revival of a classic musical.

You play “Ambrose Kemper” in Hello, Dolly!. Were you inspired by how other performers have interpreted the character, or did you avoid seeing how anyone else did it? Well, I certainly grew up watching the movie version, and I love Tommy Tune’s portrayal of Ambrose. However, the movie version is very different from the stage version, so I think that my interpretation is probably pretty different. My Ambrose lives in a constant state of stress.

Is this your first time in Miami? It’s not! I was here once before in 2009, with The 101 Dalmatians Musical. I’m so excited to be back! And finally, what will you do with you down time when you’re here? Ok, this one’s easy. The beach! I’m also excited for Thanksgiving. I love pie!

The Arsht Center is located at 1300 Biscayne Blvd, in Miami, Florida. Hello, Dolly! runs from November 20 to 25. Tickets can be purchases online at www.arshtcenter.org or by calling the box office at (305) 949-6722.

September 28, 2018November 27, 2018 MIKE JEKNAVORIAN National Interviews

BRUCE VILANCH

Despite a dramatic range that’s greater than Meryl Streep’s, which Hollywood star would Bruce Vilanch give it all up for to be their trophy “wife”?

By Mike Jeknavorian

Where do you live? I live in L.A., and I’ve lived there for so long that the statute of limitations in New Jersey have run out. What’s special about L.A.? People move here for the dream—money, fame, sex. I’m deeply shallow; I fit right in. What L.A. venue do you miss that’s gone? Back alleys. Now they’ve got an app for that. If you had to live somewhere else, where would you live? If I had to…? Like, why…? The earth swallowed up Southern California…? That’s gonna happen anyway, and I’ll probably get swallowed with it. I hate you; where’s my Xanax? Is this your first time performing in South Florida? No, but it’s the first time in Boca and Aventura, so, in a sense, it’s like doing a pilgrimage to the Holy Land. Will you have time to do something fun when you’re here? Yes, but I can’t mention it specifically, or I’ll get taken to court by Rose McGowan. You can’t be too careful these days. How would you describe yourself? A writer/actor/comedian/stripper. You name it, you book it, you got it.

Superstars Billy Crystal, Whoopi Goldberg and Bette Midler are just some of the big names who laugh it up in this richly funny behind-the-scenes documentary and look at the art of creating comedy! When celebrities need a hilarious punchline, they Get Bruce!

Which celebrity project was the most special to you? I’d be a fool if I did’t lead with Bette—we have a long and colorful collaboration. But writing 23 Oscar shows, and being a Hollywood “square” for six years, and being a woman in Hairspray on Broadway and the road, were all pretty special. There have also been a lot of fundraisers that helped a lot of people. What’s the strangest thing that’s ever happened to you on stage? In Hairspray, my first week on Broadway, my skirt slipped below my dainty waist and pooled on the floor around me. So I was up there wearing the full top, an off-white girdle, and the fat suit. The audience didn’t know if it was part of the show or not, until I said, “Now you know why I spent six years sitting in a square.” Other than yourself, who’s one of the best comedy writers? The people that I’ve collaborated with the most, Jon Macks and Dave Boone, who write just about every special event on television. But there are lots of fantastic writers out there that I haven’t worked with.

What comic do you admire? George Carlin was my all-time favorite. Eddie Izzard is pretty spectacular. And Lily Tomlin is a genius. Who’s your favorite RuPaul queen? Bianca! She rules when she’s onstage. She’s genuinely funny and fierce. What’s your dream gig? Mrs. Jake Gyllenhaal. Oh, professionally…? I have immense range, so I’d like to do the Meryl Streep story. Other than your Oscars gig, what’s your dream writing gig? It would be wonderful to lie on a fainting couch like Marcel Proust and just churn it out. What’s your favorite play or musical? How to Succeed is pretty perfect, and South Pacific has the most glorious score and a real emotional tug. All those people thrown together on an island trying not to lose it. Oh, wait. That’s Survivor. Which award is the most special to you? The Nobel Peace prize. Think I have a shot? Which Advocate article is the most special to you? Now you’re forcing me to remember opinions that I came up with 20 years ago. I don’t remember how I felt about the brisket at Rosh Hashanah.

Which one of your old jobs least prepared you for what you do now? Everything taught me something. I just wish that I had retained what it was. If God were to take you tomorrow, how would you like to be remembered? As a beautiful, thin person. But you get what you pay for. Will you ever retire? But then you have to move to Boca, by law. No, writers never stop. Herman Wouk is still at a desk every day. What’s the weirdest question that a fan’s asked you? “May I see your feet?” What other celebrity did you act like a “fan” around? I’ve been at it since I was a kid, so I kept meeting celebrities in a professional capacity. However, Sidney Poitier did make me talk in tongues. He’s so gracious and elegant, and, well, he’s a historical figure, not an audio-animatronic. Who would play you in a movie? James Franco said he wanted to, but I told him that he’d smother under the fat suit. What do you want to live long enough to see? Something orange leaving the building. What are you superstitious about? The hell with that. I go full-bore OCD.

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Do you believe in aliens? I think that if they were as great as they’re cracked up to be, they’d have conquered us by now. Unless they dropped by, took a whiff, and put the mothership in reverse. What’s the gayest concert that you ever went to? Judy Garland in Columbus, Ohio, in 1967. I was a college student and came home with a notebook full of numbers from kindly, older gentlemen. What’s the most times that you read a book? I have re-read Patrick Dennis so many times, even my dog says the books are dog-eared. His big hit was Auntie Mame, but he was a brilliant social satirist who wrote a dozen wonderful novels. What’s the last thing that you looked at online? Has anyone ever answered that question honestly? What’s the best place that you’ve visited? Israel, when I was a teenager, before it was controversial even to Jews. What’s something that you learned in life only when you got older? It is what it is. What did you learn from your parents? To pay cash. What’s your best characteristic? That I insist on having a good time. How do you enjoy spending your time? Answering questions, evidently. What celebrity do you have a crush on? I don’t believe that’s legal anymore.

Who do you admire? Paul Newman. He turned his fame into a perpetual revenue-stream for good. If you could bring one person back from the dead, who would it be? Cleopatra, so people would finally stop claiming they used to be her. Where would you go in a time machine? To someplace where I could still take my meds. What would your last meal be? Pasta, pasta, pasta. What do you worry about? “Did anyone smell that?” What are you afraid of? Spiders dressed as clowns. If you were a musical instrument, what would you be? Something that has to be blown. Are you more like a sheep or a wolf? I’m like a sheep eating a wolf. Who depends on you, and for what? A black pug, for everything. Who are you closest with? See above. What would your autobiography be called? I’m struggling with the title now, which might wind up being the title. What music do you listen to when you’re upset? Schving! What’s on your bucket list? To kick it. What’s your greatest regret in life? That I keep postponing things. Like this answer. What’s something that you never told anyone else? Life is a cabaret, old chum. Where can we see you? If you miss the Boca show, and you know your way around, i’ll be in Aventura at the Arts & Cultural Center the next night. C’mon down!