THE GRAND CANYON

By Mike Jeknavorian

What’s The Grand Canyon?  It’s a giant canyon in northern Arizona.  And if it’s not the biggest canyon in the world, it’s certainly close to it.  The canyon was carved about five million years ago by the Colorado River.  Where is it?  It’s only in Arizona.  I must confess that I initially thought that parts of it bordered Colorado.  Not true.  It’s all in Arizona.  How do you get there?  The closest major airport to the southern rim of the canyon is Phoenix International, in Phoenix.  I had a direct flight from Fort Lauderdale to Phoenix.  The drive from Phoenix to the Grand Canyon is about 220 miles.


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Where can you stay?  The closest towns to the Grand Canyon National Park are Williams, Arizona (which is where we stayed), and Tusayan, Arizona.  Williams is known as “The Gateway to the Grand Canyon,” and they have a train that brings you to the Grand Canyon.  However, she ain’t cheap, and it only leaves once day.  Tusayan is the last town before you enter the Grand Canyon, and they’re many affordable hotels there.  The park itself also has several lodges and campgrounds.  The crown glory of the lodges is, of course, the fabulous El Tovar Hotel, which should not be missed.

How was the Grand Canyon?  I initially pictured some Thelma & Louise (which was filmed on the northern rim) open hole in the ground, and not much more than that.  It’s nothing like that.  When people say the Grand Canyon, they mean the southern rim, and, specifically, they mean the Grand Canyon Village.  The Grand Canyon Village, which is within the Grand Canyon National Park, contains many historic buildings and lodges, all set in deference to the canyon itself.  And some of the building and shops are literally teetering right on the edge of the canyon, where they’ve stood like that for decades.  Furthermore, there is heavy theming going on in the village.  The architecture style of buildings at some of the western and midwestern national parks is colloquially called, “parkitecture,” which is an architectural style that’s meant to both harmonize and utilize the surrounding landscape.  The Grand Canyon Village certainly has no shortage of building done in this style; many of them date to the early 1900s.  Concerning the village, there are free shuttles that bring you from one building to the next (or you can walk or bike the trails to get to different areas).

How many days do you need to see everything?  At least two.  There are so many buildings to see, that it’s too much to cram it all into one day.  The main village takes about an entire day to see.  There is also a smaller eastern section that takes about a half an hour to drive to.  This area has an indigenous museum and a popular observation tower.  On the second day, you can see this eastern area, and then maybe walk on trails for a couple of hours, either in the eastern area, or back at the main part of the village.

What can you do there?  You can visit the Grand Canyon Village, walk the trails, or take a helicopter to the bottom of the canyon.  If you want to walk to the bottom of the canyon, you must, one, enjoy heights, and, two, allow two days to do it.  It takes one day to walk down it, and then you have to camp at the bottom of it.  You would walk back up the next day.  If you want to raft the Colorado River, that’s a whole other thing, which requires several days to do it.  As far as the canyon goes, don’t miss the view from the Yavapai Geological Museum.  A group of scientists selected this site in the 1920s as the most spectacular view of it.  How’s the gay scene?  There really isn’t any to speak of.  You’ll have to turn on your Grindr or Tinder accounts.

What was surprising about it?  Several things.  One, we saw a male elk, and if you’ve never seen one of them, they’re like the size of an elephant (actually, an adult male is about 700 lbs.).  Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to get a picture of it.  Two, I wasn’t aware that much of the canyon in the southern rim is buffered by trees.  I wasn’t expecting to see trees, and then this monstrous canyon beyond them.  And finally, there’s a lot a smoking that goes on in the area.  There’s a large European population that visits the canyon, much larger than I’ve seen anywhere else in the U.S. (including Disney and Vegas), and you know how they are with the cigarettes.

Is it worth visiting again?  Omg, yes.  The first view of the canyon is difficult to describe, in that it was everything that I thought it would be, but nothing like it.  Once you get over the initial shock of it, the majesty of the canyon never dulls.  You could stare at it for hours.  You also have a weird sensation of looking down from an airplane (the highest straight-down drop is 3,000 feet) when you’re looking at it, but your feet are on the ground.  It’s really something that everyone should see at least once in their lifetime.

EL TOVAR LOUNGE

SHADE-O-METER RATING

3 OUTTA 5 WERKS: “NO SHADE, BUT SHE DIDN’T TURN IT OUT”

What’s the El Tovar LoungeIt’s the cocktail lounge at the El Tovar Hotel in the Grand Canyon Village. The Grand Canyon Village is in the southern rim of the Grand Canyon.  The El Tovar opened in 1905, and it’s the preeminent hotel in the Grand Canyon.  Was there an age restriction?  Unfortunately, no.  And if you can believe it, the table next to us had an infant that was about two years old (who was being fed baby food), and two other kids that were about 10-years-old—wonderful.  What time did we go?  At about 12.30 p.m.

How was the maître d’?  They don’t really have one.  If one of the servers happens to catch you as you walk in, you’re advised to sit where you’d like.  What was the décor like?  A bit different than the rest of the hotel, which was modeled on a European hunting lodge.  The cocktail lounge more closely resembles a hotel from the gilded age.  What was the seating like?  The main bar is inside.  It has some seats around the bar, and some free-standing tables.  There are also about 12 tables outside.  What was the atmosphere like?  For the most part, subdued.

What was the crowd like?  There probably wasn’t one person here who wasn’t a tourist.  And although the female servers weren’t dressed in vintage Harvey attire, a slightly obsequious atmosphere persists.  When’s happy hour?  They don’t have one.  What libations were ordered?  We ordered a Pomegranate Manhattan for $9.60, a Canyon Cooler for $8.90, and a Cucumber Gimlet for $9.60.  Were they served timely?  Yes.  How were the drinks?  All of them were excellent.  The Manhattan had Grand Canyon whiskey as its base, some pomegranate liquor (but not homemade) as a main enhancer, and it had a giant rosemary sprig (but not singed) in it.  The gimlet was supplemented with a cucumber.  The vodka cooler, although refreshing, was composed of the following prefabricated supplements: lemonade and berry schnapps.

What was ordered?  We ordered a Street Tacos for $10.95 and a Local Natural Navajo Nachos for $8.75.  Was the food served timely?  Yes, but it was served too fast.  The drinks were served, and then barely two minutes later, like the speed of a military mess hall, the food was brought out.  How was the food?  The taco had shredded pork in it, which, unfortunately, tasted a bit funny.  It also supposedly contained cotija cheese, although I didn’t see much of that in it.  The Navajo nachos—which was the better of the two dishes—was mainly composed of taco meat and beans on top of nachos.  The meat and the beans in the nacho dish were good.  However, they were too scant.

How was the service?  Excellent and attentive.  What stands out about the restaurant?  The opportunity to whet the whistle after a trek on the canyon, and, undoubtedly, the view (the outdoor seats are just a few dozen yards from the precipice of the canyon).  What could be improved?  The quality of the food and the pour of the liquor.  The food was nothing special, and the drinks, although the concoctions were on the higher end, were too measured.  For example, as if one were in the prohibition era when the hotel was still new, the liquid in the martinis was barely half full in the glass.

What was surprising?  Although others may be used to it, I’m not used to seeing children—especially infants—in bars, just because the bar serves food (and the website said that you have to be 21 to be in the lounge; guess they’re not enforcing this).  Regarding the view of the canyon, I didn’t expect it to be so close.  It provides one of the best views in the area.

The El Tovar Lounge is located at 9 Village Loop Dr., in Grand Canyon Village, Arizona.  It’s open seven days a week from 11:00 a.m. to 11:00 p.m.